Over the past couple years Lindsay Lohan has taken her career to a place that everyone saw coming (the gutter), and her persona in a direction that very few anticipated.
Casting aside the washed-up trainwreck image that she's worked so hard to cultivate, Lindsay has adopted a sort of Carmen San Diego-meets-Angelina-Jolie persona, wherein she talks with a fake foreign accent and pretends to understand international politics.
Over the years, we've grown quite accustomed to erratic behavior from Lindsay Lohan.
But even having spent the past decade or so marveling at the new and interesting places that LiLo's been able to take her career as a former actress and professional trainwreck, we still never saw her latest reinvention coming.
Ya know, if we'd been forced to guess a theme for 2017, it almost certainly wouldn't have been "orange semi-literate throwbacks to bygone decades undermining our national security goals," and yet, here we are.
First, Donald Trump chooses to take the word of a guy who's spent the past three years living in the UK's Ecuadorian embassy over the findings of 17 intelligence agencies.
Oh boy.
Apparently, Lindsay Lohan will never stop going nude, because the latest photo she shared on Instagram has everybody with half a brain freaking out.
Lindsay Lohan is one of those celebrities who has no compunction with trashing another celebrity to get in the spotlight.
It's pretty desperate, but it's kind of what she does.
Lindsay Lohan has been in rare form lately.
Actually, she's been in the exact form we've come to expect, but it would be rare for anyone else on the planet.
In case you missed it, Lindsay Lohan is kind of a hot damn mess right now.
Well, she's always a mess, but right now the situation is more dire than usual.
There are phrases you never expect to hear, and then there's "Lindsay Lohan might be a spy for the Turkish government?!" which is up there with "Donald Trump just used his giant hands to give away his billion-dollar fortune that actually exists!" in terms of staggering degree of unlikelihood.
And yet, all over the Internet today, there are serious discussions about the possibility that LiLo is highly-paid operative working in league with a Middle Eastern government.
Lindsay Lohan's bizarre new "LiLohan" accent set the internet on fire this past week, and while most people were more concerned about her mental health than they were about her garbled nonsense, Michael Lohan, like, isn't even concerned.
In an interview with ET Online, Michael addressed Lindsay's new way of talking, and said, "Lindsay picks up languages like I pick up a coffee!" Michael revealed.
Lindsay Lohan officially sounds like she forgot the English language teacher, and is in desperate need of an ESL education intervention.
Lohan debuted an extraordinarily strange "accent" that sounds completely muddled.
We're not quite sure what Lindsay is for Halloween, except for Hot.
Lindsay Lohan stripped down to her bright pink lingerie, and captioned the photo, "#halloweencostume #halloweenisaworkout#halloween #everydaywewearpink and no filter."
Lindsay Lohan just can't catch a damn break, can she?
Or rather, she can catch a break, but she has this awful instinct every time she gets her hands on one to set it on fire and run away screaming.
As erratic as her behavior has been over the years, we usually have a pretty good idea of what's going through Lindsay Lohan's mind.
Cocaine. The answer is usually cocaine.
It's only been two months since Lindsay Lohan and Egor Tarababasov broke up, but it looks like she's already found herself a new dude who also has a name straight out of The Big Book of European Stereotypes.
Lindsay Lohan can't catch a break - or even the attention of "fans" at the newly-opened Greek night club, LOHAN.
Watch in horror as Lindsay attempts to settle the crowd as the crowd just crows and laughs.
Lindsay Lohan decided to go topless on Instagram just two days after Donald Trump said he wanted to bone her (which has nothing to do with Ken Bone; sorry).
Lohan shared the pic on her social media account, and just hours later, had a brief thought of remorse and removed it.
Lindsay Lohan isn't taking Donald Trump's perverted sexposé's lying down.
As previously reported, Trump said that he wished he could have banged Lohan during her more destructive days.
Warning: the following story will make you very sad and scared for the future of the human race.
So ... how about that Donald Trump?
Earlier this month, the world celebrated Mean Girls Day, that holiest of holidays in which loved ones gather at their desks to tell one another the date.
(It's October 3.)
As you surely remember, Lindsay Lohan spent much of this year in a severely sketchy, allegedly abusive relationship with a man named Egor Tarabasov.
No, you definitely remember -- it'll be a long, long time before you're able to forget all the horrifying details Lindsay's shared.
Can Lindsay Lohan catch a break?!
She won't be catching one with her hand for a while now, that's for sure.
