Johnny Depp

Back in February, we reported that Johnny Depp is going broke after spending his money on what we then described as "weird-ass sh-t."

In addition to the usual rich guy splurging (Sources say Depp spent $30,000 a month on wine.), there were some truly bizarre expenditures, such as a $3 million ash cannon to shoot the remains of his friend Hunter S. Thompson into the atmosphere.

If you follow his career, or if you've simply lived on planet Earth in recent years, then you're probably aware that Johnny Depp is sort of a weird guy.

Not "invites Macaulay Culkin over to check out the Elephant Man's bones" weird, but weird, nonetheless.

You may not have noticed - what with the foundations of American democracy crumbling at your feet, and all - but it's been an interesting few weeks in the life of Johnny Depp.

(Hey, someone still has to deliver the celebrity gossip! You want all Trump, all the time, you can go to ... just about every other website on the Internet that doesn't have "porn" in the title.)

Johnny Depp has been having a rough time lately. 

His divorce from Amber Heard made headlines for months; his movie career - once one of the most lucrative in the industry - has produced one middling semi-hit (2015's Black Mass) in the past 6 years, and now his desperate financial situation is the talk of Tabloid Town.

As we reported earlier this week, several sources are claiming that Johnny Depp is flat broke, as a result of years of extravagant spending on incredibly posh luxury items.

Some of his financial woes are the result of his wildly expensive divorce from Amber Heard, which has cost the actor than $7 million in settlement cash, to say nothing of what he was forced to fork over in terms of assets and legal fees.

We've all been there:

Money's a little tight, but a friend of yours recently passed away, and his ashes aren't gonna blast themselves out of a giant sky cannon, ya know?

Back in September, several media outlets reported that Amber Heard was essentially homeless following her disastrous split from Johnny Depp.

That's probably an exaggeration, but it seems that Heard's financial situation was indeed pretty dire in the wake of her divorce.

Doesn't it seem like years and years since Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp, citing Johnny's alleged violent tendencies as the reason she couldn't stay married to him?

It hasn't been years, of course -- it's just been about seven months -- but the messiness really drags things out, doesn't it?

Back in August, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard finalized their divorce with terms that were reportedly amenable to both parties.

After the deal was reached, however, in an unexpected twist, Heard announced that she would donate her settlement to charity.

Remember when we thought the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard had been settled, and both sides would be able to move on with their lives?

Yes, it was a simpler time, when the world occasionally made sense, and Donald Trump was just a ex-reality show host with delusions of grandeur.

Back in August, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard reached a settlement after one of the ugliest celebrity divorce battles in recent memory.

However, like every other development in the bitter breakup, the deal was quickly revealed to be more far more complicated than it initially seemed.

Shortly after Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp, it became clear that the situation would be much uglier than your typical celebrity split.

Depp was accused of domestic violence, and Heard's camp painted a picture of the beloved actor as a drunken abusive monster.

Lily-Rose Depp's career is taking off in a big way, and the 17-year-old actress, model, and daughter of Johnny seems to be on the verge of becoming a household name in her own right.

Sure, like any teen she's made some mistakes, but fortunately, no one watches Kevin Smith movies, so she should have no trouble bouncing back from the atrocity that was Yoga Hosers.

Johnny Depp may or may not have been involved in the Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt divorce.

There may or may not be a chance that Depp and Jolie actually hook up in the wake of the latter's split from her husband of two years.

Fact: Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt because, as rumor has it, Brad may have gotten too aggressive with one of their children.

Another fact: Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp earlier this year, making some pretty serious, pretty damning allegations that he abused her.

Now that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have reached a divorce settlement they can both move on without any fear of fans and news outlets continuing to scrutinize their failed marriage, right?

Ha! Welcome to the 21st century, naive hypothetical reader!

As you've no doubt heard by now, Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp back in May, claiming that the iconic actor had been verbally and physically abusive throughout their 15 month relationship.