Jessica Simpson: Dessert Beauty Launch Party

Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things!

She also possesses a singing voice that, while by no means good, was sufficient enough to secure a couple of million album sales in the late 1990s / early 2000s, when the public was more or less content to fork over $$ in exchange for unlistenable crap.

Way to go, Jessica Simpson fans!

But her career is going downhill quickly, as evidenced by her divorce from Nick Lachey, but even more so by her recent "work" projects. We are talking seriously bad music and even worse acting. It's not exactly a winning combination.

Starring in terrible movies hasn't helped Jessica Simpson.

Nor has the meddling of her pimp father, Joe Simpson, or some ill-advised romances with the likes of John Mayer. What a frickin' loser. That douchebag can eat it.

Poor Jessica. Oh well. It was a good run while it lasted, and the aforementioned boobs look like they're here to stay. Those puppies are not small by any means.

Also, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo apparently liked her so much (for reasons unknown) at one point that he was willing to lose playoff games for the rest of his career. Then they broke up as well.

She's now engaged to Eric Johnson and enormously pregnant. Congrats Jess!

Jessica Simpson Quotes

They're just the cutest couple in the world. They are adorable. Anybody would wish to be them and you can only wish them well. Just being around them inspires love and everything I sing about.

Jessica Simpson [on her sister and Pete Wentz]

It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film. For people to say Employee of the Month was a flop is ludicrous. We made the money back–that’s not a flop. For people to say The Dukes of Hazzard was a flop–it opened to $30 million! If these movies are flops, why would I still make them?

Jessica Simpson