Chris Martin: Split From Gwyneth Paltrow Was "A Weird One"
This guy is friggin' adorable.
This guy is friggin' adorable.
Hollywood is filled with actors and actresses who were born into lives of privilege and rode the wave of nepotism all the way to A-list careers, but have still managed to convince themselves they did it all on their own and can totally relate to the peasant characters they play on screen.
Look, lots of people are posting makeup-free selfies these days. If you wanna make yours stand out, you're gonna have to take some Goopy cues from Gwyneth Paltrow:
When Gwyneth Paltrow ends a relationship, she doesn't drown her sorrows in a bottle of pinot grigio or a pint of Ben & Jerry's. No, that's peasant stuff.
Gwyneth "consciously uncouples" from her victims exes and then becomes their BFF in order to keep them from ever getting laid again make sure the experience is as healthy as possible for everyone involved.
As you've probably heard, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin "consciously uncoupled" last year, proving to all the world that they can turn even something as common as a divorce into an exercise in elitist, pseudo-intellectual douche-baggery.
Martin began dating Jennifer Lawrence, a move that's earned him the nickname Chris "Upgrade" Martin (as of right now).
Generally, when Gwyneth Paltrow is in the news, it's hard to finish reading the story.
Her unique brand of privileged, new age, pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo has been known to cause involuntary eye-rolling, which can make it hard to focus on the latest news of Gwyneth steaming her vagina.
Gwyneth Paltrow may have recently failed the food stamp challenge, but the 42-year old is totally receiving a passing grade for her bikini body these days.
Just take a look at the actress on the June issue of Women's Health:
Earlier today, Sandra Bullock was named the Most Beautiful Woman in the world.
The 50-year old Oscar winner said herself that the honor is patently "ridiculous," but we can think of a handful of famous females who would disagree with that assessment.
After more than a year of spewing "conscious uncoupling" psycho-babble and openly banging other people, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are officially divorced.
Earlier this week, Gwyneth Paltrow stopped steaming her vagina long enough to take part in the Food Stamp Challenge.
Though it's been derided as "poverty tourism" (which it kind of is), the Challenge is designed to raise awareness of the recent devastating cuts made to programs like SNAP and the meager allowance on which low-income families are forced to survive.
Earlier this week, Gwyneth Paltrow accepted the Food Stamp Challenge and was caught going out to eat at a swanky LA restaurant les than 48 hours after tweeting a photo of the food she supposedly planned to live off for an entire week.
Paltrow was already accused of belittling the plight of food insecure families by engaging in "poverty tourism" and publicly patting herself on the back for showing the world what $29 worth of food looks like. (As though the world didn't already know.)
Even if you're not familiar with the Food Stamp Challenge, you can probably guess what it's all about just from the name.
Basically, people who are not forced to live on the meager allowances offered by SNAP or other government programs live on $29 a week (reportedly the allotment in some areas) so that they can better empathize with the plight of people who are.