Michael Cohen, who worked for two decades as Donald Trump's personal lawyer, reached a plea deal today with federal prosecutors.
In doing so, the man who has often been referred to as the President's "fixer" implicated the Commander-in-Chief in two major crimes.
Pet rocks. Pogs. White people wearing matching neon windbreakers for their annual family photos. Nazis.
There are many idiotic trends that we thought we'd left behind in the 20th Century, but alas, the most nefarious of the lot has reared its ugly head in recent years.
According to Omarosa Manigault Newman, Donald Trump legitimately wants to have sex with his daughter.
No, not Tiffany Trump of course. That would be crazy.
This is the state of our country right now:
A former reality show host, who fired a certain reality show contestant multiple times, is now fighting in public with that same reality show contestant after he also fired her from working in the White House.
Donald Trump is too short, too out of shape and possesses hands that are way to small to dunk a basketball.
But the President of the United States nevertheless took some time out of his late Friday night to try and slam one home on...
Rudy Giuliani has a lot on his mind these days.
After all, he's working for a guy whose employees keep getting fired and/or sent to jail.
KA-BOOM!
Michael Cohen has just dropped a bombshell on America.
If you need to do a whole bunch of shady, sleazebag stuff, you need a shady, sleazebag attorney to handle it. The only problem is that, well, your lawyer is a shady sleazebag.
On Friday, the world learned that Michael Cohen had apparently recorded Donald Trump discussing payouts to cover up his alleged affair with a former Playboy model.
If you were anywhere near social media yesterday, you may have noticed that the entire internet briefly set aside cat videos and celebrity butts in order to briefly focus on something slightly more important -- namely, a US president just casually committing treason on live TV.
Yes, in case you somehow haven't heard, the passionate bromance of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin continued yesterday, and it was different from all those other times an American president sang the praises of a hostile foreign dictator who was standing right next to him, in that it actually happened in real life and wasn't part of some terrifying Orwellian nightmare.
Ever since Donald Trump was elected president, his star on the Walk of Fame has been a common target for some very amusing vandalism.
Now, "amusing" is not a word one would normally use to describe George Lopez, a man who typically favors the Adam Sandler "I'm rich, therefore I don't have to be funny" approach to comedy, but we're willing to make an exception in this case.
Before she became a household name as a result of her alleged affair with Donald Trump, Stormy Daniels made her living as an adult film star and producer.
So it should come as no surprise that she's cashing in on her newfound fame by performing at our nation's finest gentlemen's clubs as part of her flawlessly-titled Make America Horny Again tour.
In case you've somehow been blissfully unaware of his existence, allow us to fill you in on the newly-hatched-larva-turned-Trump-policy-advisor whos's adopted the human name of Stephen Miller.
Miller is, to put it bluntly, the absolute worst.
Someday in the near future, when you and your family are gathered around a flickering Coleman lantern, digesting the golden retriever you enjoyed for dinner in the nightmarish hellscape that was once America, your children will ask you how Donald Trump came to be president in the first place.
As you have so many times before, you'll explain that it all started in the Eighties -- a time when the country was rich, the clothing was hideous, and douchebags reigned supreme.
When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry last month, her father was not in attendance.
It's still not entirely clear why Thomas Markle chose to stay home rather than watch his daughter become freakin' royalty, but not surprisingly, it seems he now regrets the decision.
Donald Trump is finally tackling one of the major issues facing our country:
How Jimmy Fallon feels about the interview he conducted with the President back in September of 2016.
Well, no matter where you fall on the ideological spectrum, surely we can all agree that it's been yet another bonkers week in the world of American politics.
At this point, if you were to list all the ridiculous news that's come out of the Trump White House in the past month, it would sound like you were singing a parody of "We Didn't Start the Fire."
Are we living, not in the real world, but in a heavy-handed political cartoon? Because it's looking that way.
Melania Trump went to visit one of the children internment facilities that her husband's administration has been using to hold immigrant parents separately from their parents.
