Anna Nicole Smith

Forgive us if we don't believe everything Howard K. Stern says.

But in a recently released statement, the immoral lawyer claims Anna Nicole Smith could have been saved if she'd been hospitalized before her death â€" but she refused emergency care, fearing a "media frenzy."

Anna Nicole Smith died of "an accidental overdose with no other criminal element present," Seminole Police Department Chief Charlie Tiger announced at a press conference in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., Monday.

He said the police conducted a thorough investigation, which included reviewing hundreds of hours of videotapes captured by the hotel security cameras and analyzing the contents of the laptop computer belonging to Smith's companion, Howard K. Stern, and "we found nothing to indicate any foul play."

If Howard K. Stern was out for money, he didn't have to commit murder.

The simple act of larceny would have been enough. Especially now that the diary of Anna Nicole Smith has sold for over half a million dollars on eBay.

As TMZ.com correctly points out, is there any chance we wiil soon see a movie based on the life and death of Anna Nicole Smith?

With that in mind, let's give Hollywood honchos a few ideas of who could portray whom in the big screen version of this soap opera:

Anna Nicole Smith was laid to rest on Friday in a mahogany coffin draped in a rhinestone-studded, pink feathered blanket. Hundreds gathered in a Bahamian church to say goodbye to the former Playboy model and occasional actress.

In signature Anna Nicole style, the coffin was received on a red carpet before being wheeled inside Mount Horeb Baptist Church in Nassau, Bahamas.

Anna Nicole Smith will be remembered Friday in the Bahamas in a service befitting her flamboyant life.

"It will be a very beautiful Anna Nicole send-off," Patrik Simpson, a friend of Smith who is helping to organize the memorial, told the Associated Press on Wednesday. "Of course it will be over the top because it's Anna Nicole."

Anna Nicole Smith had a bright future ahead of her.

So says Kim Walther to Entertainment Tonight. The former personal assistance to Anna told the show that Smith's greatest role still was ahead of her.

Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin couldn't choose the lesser of any evils seated before him.

Therefore, instead of deciding to hand over the body of Anna Nicole Smith to either of her dueling baby's daddies, Seidlin deemed that the guardian of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern would decide the deceased model's final buiral place.

We've heard of patient/doctor privilege.

But patient/doctor gay club groping?

One died prematurely and one has gone bald prematurely - but the two female celebrities most often in the news these days had a lot in common.

The list of unusual occurrences at the trial currently taking place to determine the burial grounds of Anna Nicole Smith is too long to delve into now.

But we can start with this: the dream of Judge Larry Seidlin is apparently to become the next Judge Judy. He yearns to be on TV so badly that Seidlin has even made a demo tape of cases that were recorded in his courtroom.

If you have recently procreated with Anna Nicole Smith, have we ever got the shirt for you!

That's right, Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and all the rest - wear your paternal rights with pride.

Why would Howard K. Stern commit murder?

Millions of dollars, of course.

Just when you thought the Anna Nicole Smith saga couldn't get any weirder ...

A man currently in prison is now claiming to be the father of Dannielynn Hope Marhsall Stern. But before we get to that nonsense, let's talk about the most recent paternity test.

Can the story involving Anna Nicole Smith get any stranger?

Of course it can.

Long before Anna Nicole Smith became the center of controversy - first her son's tragic passing away, then her infant daughter's paternity scandal, then her own mysterious death - she was a vivacious model and personality America was fascinated by.

Even when she was the brunt of jokes, there was little doubt that we all loved Anna Nicole. Following her life was the ultimate guilty pleasure. From her days as a Playboy centerfold to her own reality show, she always left her mark.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern isn't going anywhere.

The multi-fathered baby will be staying in the Bahamas after a judge slapped Howard K. Stern with a court order forbidding him from taking her out of the country.

While there's still a lot we don't know about the death of Anna Nicole Smith, more and more details are leaking out.

Among them is the tape of the 911 call made moments after Anna Nicole was discovered unconscious in her Florida hotel room last Thursday. Click here to listen to it on TMZ.com.

While Howard K. Stern is working on an Oscar nomination for his ability to conjure up fake tears, the real baby's daddy is working on moving forward with his life.

We can't say for sure if Howard K. Stern murdered Anna Nicole Smith or not.

But we can state for the record that this lawyer's crying is pretty much as fake as Tara Reid's boobs. And those are really fake!

What killed Anna Nicole Smith?

The cause is still unclear - but a pair of recent reports could link her demise to recent plastic surgery. Or a recently angered Howard K. Stern.

Reactions about the sudden death of Anna Nicole Smith continue to pour in.

As reports surface that daughter Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern might now  be a billionaire, friends of the deceased model are in tears. So are supposed fathers, of course, as Larry Birkhead has proven.

It's gonna be difficult for Anna Nicole Smith to rest in peace when so many men are fighting for the paternity of her daughter.

As if Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead weren't debating this issue seriously enough, apparently Prince Frederick von Anhalt, 64, husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, told the AP that he had a decade-long affair with Anna ...

The mother of the late Anna Nicole Smith predicted that the fight over her granddaughter would get "ugly," while dismissing Anna Nicole's rags-to-riches self-portrayal as mere myth-making.

In an interview on Good Morning America, a disconsolate, almost disgusted Virgie Arthur described Anna Nicole as "wild and crazy," and reiterated that she'd warned her daughter to stop using drugs.