If you???re in the market for a music column whose sole focus will be reminiscing about the early 90s Seattle grunge era, then Seattle Weekly has good news for you.
The alt-mag has hired Krist Novoselic, the guy from Nirvana who didn???t kill himself or start the Foo Fighters. His first column, about anarchy and ???Smells Like Teen Spirit??? reminds us that at one point, he must have been one hell of a musician to get this writing gig:
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• Jennifer Aniston is ready to meet with Brangelina and clear the air, just as soon as “clear the air” becomes synonymous with “scratching Angelina Jolie’s eyes out.”
• Page Six shockingly reveals that Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love’s lovechild came into the world in the same way that she was conceived: amidst complete and total lunacy, and accompanied by massive amounts of heroin.
• Justin Timberlake promises not to suck in concert; refuses to make similar promise about his acting performance in Alpha Dog.
• Snag a cool, new style secret from ultra-glam couple Heidi Klum and Seal…and start adorning your lovemaking pad with giant, naked photos of yourself and your lover!
• If only Nicole Brown Simpson were alive today, she’d swear O.J. never laid a finger on her. Ironically, however, she’s dead.
• Although Anne Hathaway’s character does get to bone Adrian Grenier in the movie The Devil Wears Prada, in real life, working for Anna Wintour really, truly sucks.
• If Kurt Cobain???s tortured brain could draw inspiration from Courtney Love, it???s no wonder he offed himself. [NME]
• Or it could have been shit like this that drove him to suicide. We know, it’s harsh. But true. [TMZ]
• Eminem is just foolishly throwing money at lawyers and mediators to make his wife go away. Maybe he should have followed his own advice and, y???know, make her disappear. [Y!]
• Sorry, Clay Aiken, but, uh, Paxil doesn’t make the gay go away. [ABC]
• Every time Aaron Carter looks at his bride-to-be, he???ll see big brother Nick smiling back at him saying: ???Sloppy seconds.??? [Jam!]
• Courtney Love’s new album will be about the gutters of the earth. Great to see her sticking to what she knows. [Page Six]
• Bono may not like President Bush’s politics, but admits to enjoying his sense of humor. Or, as we prefer, idiocy. [R&M]
• This Kurt Cobain action figure is exactly what the notoriously depressed and anti-consumerism grunge rocker would have wanted. Too bad it had to come just as Barbie and Ken get back together. [Toy News]
• Eminem thwarted 50 Cent’s newest attempt to make boatloads of money, saying that the material is not actually good enough to be released. Did someone just call a rap-off. [MTV]
• Gary Glitter may be appealing his child molestation conviction, but we’re fairly sure that paying off the families before the trial is slightly damning evidence of guilt. [AP]
• The Who are looking to release a new album and get back on tour. Hey, Pete Townsend’s kiddie porn collection won’t pay for itself. [Spin]
• The upcoming Kurt Cobain documentary will be narrated by none other than the alterna rocker himself. Seeing as no one who was close to him is sober enough to do it. Cheers, Courtney Love. [NME]
• DMX, hardened after his week at Rikers, is switching labels from Def Jam to Sony. Life on the inside is totally enough to make a guy rid his life of all gay-sounding associations. [Page Six]
• The New York Times took a stab at understanding “trends” (meaning it was hot like 3 years ago). They examine rappers Cam’ron and Lil’ Flip who never were or ever will be cool. Oh, and if they get cool, 50 Cent will shoot them. [NYT]
• Rapper Two Five, (supposedly 50 Cent’s cousin), has a bone to pick with his monetary senior. Fitty apparently isn’t giving enough back to his family, so Two Five (worst name ever) is using his “cousin’s” name to get ahead. You know what? 50 should just shoot him, too. [TMZ]
• And in not non-rap news, the faggy white boys of Linkin Park have settled their dispute with Warner Music and will return to making records. Fabulous! [VH1]