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Related: Carter Moves On, Finally Ready To Rule Out Dating Someone Who Dumped His Ass Three Years Ago

Apparently, former boy banders who currently have protruding bellies, no job prospects, and overly high opinions of themselves are still awfully picky when it comes to choosing a mate. Take, for instance, Nick Carter, who flatly nixed the possibility of reuniting with former flame Paris Hilton. His reasoning? She isn’t “intelligent” enough.

At the risk of inviting ridicule, we beg to disagree. Knock Paris all you like, but she’s impressively managed to parlay slightly above average looks, zero talent and a famous last name into boldface status, independent wealth and a burgeoning career as, well, someone who gets paid a small fortune to show up at parties long enough to say “That’s hot” and have her picture taken.

Meanwhile, everything self-proclaimed intellect Nick Carter has done post-Backstreet Boys can be neatly summed up as follows: failed solo career, failed acting career, failed reality show, failed relationship with Kathy Griffin. Yep, sounds like this boy-genius has it all figured out!

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Nov 9, 2007 · Link · 1 Response

• Good job Nick Carter! Not only did you make an ass out of yourself, but you also made Ashlee Simpson look bad. We aren’t even being sarcastic. [Page Six]

• When Beyonce parties, Jay-Z just shakes his head and lets her fall all over the limo. [Mollygood]

Carrie Underwood has finally learned how to read. [NYDN]

• Did you hear about how rich music moguls sail around in yachts and drink champagne? Well, Lloyd Grove did. (Please tell us he wasn’t actually at this party though.) [Lowdown]

• Well geez, Isaac Hanson, it took you long enough. We were beginning to worry. [AOL]

Good Charlotte reaches all generations? Excuse us while we go attend music???s funeral. [AP]

Oct 2, 2006 · Link · Respond

• With a name like Jarvis Cocker it’s kind of hard to imagine him being a straight-shooter in the first place. [NME]

Nick Carter blames the destruction of his life on Paris Hilton. That bitch totally ruins everything. [Us]

Fantasia Barrino’s dad is moving in on Dina Lohan’s territory of “Biggest Asshole for a Parent.” [Y!]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are quickly becoming the couple everyone would love to see go down in a self-destructive blaze of glory. [Newsday]

Ricky Martin resurfaces from his hole of insignificance for a second to talk about something important. [Jam!]

Sep 27, 2006 · Link · Respond

According to our favorite blogger from yesterday, sexual assault charges against 26-year-old Backstreet Boy and alleged Paris Hilton bruiser Nick Carter have been dropped. The douchebag was accused of sexually assaulting a 20-year-old Wisconsin girl on a weekend in April. Of course it was “a weekend of partying” so, she probably deserved it. Which could be why the girl just decided to give up and not press charges.

???????We reviewed the evidence with the victim and her mother and decided not to go forward with the case because this would have put her up for national vilification,??????? Chief Assistant State Attorney Catherine Vogel said. ???????Since there is no physical evidence, it would have been her word against his and we took into consideration her wishes to ultimately drop the issue.???????

Vogel said some of the woman????????s account was believable, but prosecutors lacked strong physical evidence and witness corroboration.

So, basically the courts are saying “we believe you that Nick Carter and his cousin forced you to blow them while you were crying, but because we don’t have the videotape of him pushing your head down, you should just let this one go.”

That’s just peachy. Maybe Dateline can spend some its crime investigation time on “how to catch a date rapist.”

Mamas Don????????t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Pop Stars [Daily Pulp]

Jun 23, 2006 · Link · 1 Response