• Ted Casablanca reveals the secret behind Angelina’s rapid weight loss. You guessed it: Black tar heroin.
• Kate Moss tells Pete Doherty that she’ll only marry him if he can lay off the crack-pipe. Doherty responds to this ultimatum by writing, “Smack and needle-free we shall marry in the summer and I become 10 times happier than any given smackhead. Huzzah!” Yeah, good luck with that whole marriage thing, Kate.
• Paris Hilton is sick, tired of being used by the media without whom she would be nothing.
• Hotelier Andre Balaz to give the Chelsea Hotel the “Chateau Marmont” treatment. Plans include completely renovating the interior, and stocking the Star Lounge with Moet champagne, trendy ottomans and the Olsen twins.
• Meanwhile, Chad Michael Murray isn’t just a mediocre actor who enjoys marrying barely legal teenagers and then promptly cheating on them. He’s also a nightmare ex!
• Kim Kardashian is looking for love the only way she knows how: by hanging with Britney Gastineau, and then begging people to introduce her to Pharrell Williams before settling for Fabolous instead.
• Rapper 50 Cent is into having into having sex, he ain’t into making love. But apparently, he is into holding hands with the middle-aged Dutchess of York.
• James Frey donates his own books, not money, for a good cause. [P6]
• As Perez Hilton explains it, the Lindsay Lohan v. Jessica Simpson spat began as any catfight does: hairdressers and stylists. [Perez Hilton]
• It was always coming to this: Michael Jackson will unload part of his Beatles catalog to Sony to avoid bankruptcy. Well, at least at some point in the future. [NYT]
• Paula Abdul got tossed out of L.A.’s Xenii not because of a fight, but because her ass was druuunk. [P6]
• CBS prez Bob Schieffer and Katie Couric take their love affair to Michael’s, complete with wrist corsage. [Lowdown]
• Congrats to Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard on their shotgun engagement. [Star]
• Meanwhile, Chad Michael Murray’s new fiance isn’t pregnant, and they’re getting married anyhow. [People]
• West Wing creator Andrew Sorkin snags a starring role in a call girl’s tell-all. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan, Meryl Streep, and Lily Tomlin are all no-shows for Robert Altman’s lifetime achievement Oscar celebration. Robin Williams went, though … mostly for the open bar. [NYT]
• Sob your hearts out, well, everyone. We want to not love Chad Michael Murray, but we can’t help it. And now, he’s freakin’ engaged. [People]
• Naomi Campbell, fresh from beating the crap out of her assistant, is in South Africa with none other than Nelson Mandela. [Fox]
• Maybe George Clooney and Lindsay Lohan really are made for each other. She should go for the “we both like to show our bare asses” angle next time she hits on him. [A Socialite’s Life]
• We have a feeling Kevin Costner actually paid this dude to steal his laptop, just so he could get his name back in the news. [AP]
• Sophia Bush is trying to annul her marriage to Chad Michael Murray, citing “fraud”. So is that what they’re calling sleeping with Paris Hilton these days? [MSNBC]
• Adding insult to injury, Nick Lachey’s not-Jessica rebound “girlfriend” former “Miss Kentucky” Lizzie Arnold never actually won the crown. Please keep in mind that this guy is not a loser. [A Socialite’s Life]
• We are thankful for the story of ???????Jane,??????? without which we would have never known how far pert nipples really might get us in life. [Salon]
• Angelina Jolie found Brad Pitt’s little black book. He then had to go through page by page explaining to Maddox who all his former “friends” were. [IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay]
• A photo tour of Anna Wintour’s Hamptons pad? It almost makes us willing to read Vogue’s FOB. [Gawker]
• Zach Braff, too precious for words, is directing his next movie. Garden State 2, er, we mean Open Hearts is coming soon to a theater near you. [Hollywood Reporter]
Because we enjoy the B-list of the B-list so much more than any other “list” demographic, we’re especially in tune with the goings on of, say, Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush. You know them as Lucas and Brooke on The WB’s One Tree Hill. We know them as “those feuding under-25 stars on Lisa Marie Presley’s marriage path.”
Now that their five-month marriage is kaput, let the divorce proceedings begin. Sophia’s revving things up with claims of “fraud.” Fraud, you say? Not the credit card type, we imagine. Because when divorce papers include the term “fraud” with no further explanation, it can only mean one thing: somebody’s got a case of the Jessica Simpsons.
If Kathy Griffin’s split isn’t terrible news enough for you, how about some young adult drama? Lovely, ’cause that’s what Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush are bringing you.
Married back in April, the One Tree Hill co-stars lasted an impressive five months before announcing their split. Well, before People magazine got around to it, anyhow. We told you about their breakup back in July, where his Los Angeles strip club patronizing didn’t sit well with Brooke.
Err, we mean Sophia.
• If Paris Hilton hand-holds with a man other than her fiance Paris Latsis, does it make a headline? Fortunately that question needn’t be answered, since everyone saw Hilton hand-in-hand with her music producer Scott Storch at the MTV VMAs.
• She may have remained calmer than usual at the VMAs, but on her flight back to New York, prison-bound Lil Kim nearly got booted off the plane after arguing with flight attendants over a first-class “mix-up.” Though she’s gotta stir some shit up before her stay in the clink.
• Lindsay Lohan got reigned in by mama Dina, who forced her skinny offspring to stay put until the storm passed before getting on a plane for the VMAs.
• Brad Pitt and George Clooney’s Las Vegas hotel gimmick, which has been talked about for years, continues to make the gossip rounds. Now they’ve picked up Rande Gerber of Whiskey lounge fame — and they might finally start construction in January. That doesn’t mean it’s January ‘06, however.
• Teen People is covering new ground: strip clubs. At least that’s what Chad Michael Murray chose to chat about, re: his adult outing that wife and co-star Sophia Bush supposedly knew about.
• Jenny McCarthy’s divorce from John Asher isn’t just affecting her personal life, but also her business decisions. The light-hearted jokes in her tying the knot manual Marriage Laughs, which just got picked up for $1 million, don’t sound so funny anymore.
• While Judith Miller is holed up in prison, editor-husband Jason Epstein is spending the summer cruising the Mediterranean on a luxury cruise ship.
• Chad Michael Murray’s real-life romance with One Tree Hill co-star Sophia Bush might already be kaput. Their marriage is rumored to be through with, thanks in part to Chad’s Los Angeles antics, and it’s just a matter of time before divorce papers are filed.
• Sienna Miller is brushing off ex-fiance Jude Law for some quality time with Orlando Bloom. Oh, and “Adonis-like” ex David Neville.
• Things are looking a little brighter for outted blogger Nadine Haobsh, who’s signed with William Morris to secure a book deal and possible television ops and has been booked to appear on Anderson Cooper’s 360 next week and Tyra Bank’s upcoming daytime talk show.
• Mischa Barton’s photo ops with supposed new beau Johnny Wujek could be mere publicity stunts, hoping to get back at ex-flame Brandon Davis. And if there’s still any question whether the relationship’s a TomKat wannabe, did we mention Wujek is a hairstylist? Homo a-go-go.
• Ashleigh Banfield resumes her MSNBC recovery tour with a permanent gig at CourtTV. Well, if daytime guest host is permanent.
• Karl Rove may not be the a-sexual political strategist we took him for if rumors of his dalliance with lobbyist Karen Johnson are true.
• Even after his death, Geoffrey Beene is still feeling the wrath of John Fairchild.
• Jennifer Lopez jumps in on the celebrity baby craze by adopting the Olsen twins.
• Oprah sets herself up to collect another check with a 20th anniversary DVD.
We thought young lovers getting married was just a futile plot twist requiring parental consent or emancipation on One Tree Hill, but the show’s co-stars Chad Michael Murray, 23, and Sophia Bush, 22, prove to us that such naivety belongs in Hollywood too. Tune in next week when A-list-to-their-B-list Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson announce their nups.