You will never see these 13 sex tapes. No way, no how.
But hey, that’s what dreams are made of. #Believe
Jennifer Lawrence
Beloved by men and women alike, approachable and yet otherwordly, genuine, talented and personable as well as beautiful, Jennifer Lawrence is uniquely lusted after.
Channing Tatum
You watched Magic Mike, which is basically halfway there, ladies. Don’t act so shocked.
Kate Middleton
Two words: ROYAL SCANDAL.
Ian Somerhalder
One has to assume there would be biting involved.
Mila Kunis
Mila Kunis frequently tops guys’ wish lists for such things.
Brangelina
A Brangelina sex tape would be eye-popping for more reasons than their obvious good looks and chemistry, and the fact that they are now getting divorced. The tabloids would collectively flip out over the new material they just got for Jennifer Aniston articles … and the irony of Brad and Angelina reportedly fighting over the fact that they never had sex.
Kate Upton
Kate Upton will never make a sex tape, but here’s an astonishing naked GIF that may go down as the greatest thing in human history, so really, we’ve all won today.
Ryan Gosling
Hey girl. We are required by the laws of the Internet to include Ryan Gosling on any list of this nature.
Nicki Minaj
Of all hypothetical celebrity sex tapes, we imagine Nicki Minaj’s would be the least … amateur. You know what we’re saying.
Hugh Hefner
You know you’d watch out of pure curiosity … and to see how many of the girls in it you could ID.
Rihanna
She and Drake would totally pay random strippers to perform in the background of their romp.
Justin Bieber
Just to see if he’s as big as … never mind.
Lena Dunham
Every episode of HBO’s Girls is pretty much a Lena Dunham sex tape. Imagine the kind of f–ked up s–t she does in the privacy of her own home.
Miley Cyrus
This one feels almost inevitable.
Chris Brown
Dude claims he’s been f–king since age 8. Eight. Gotta have some interesting moves in his repertoire after that kind of experience. Also, we bet he cries like a little b-tch afterward.
Kim Kardashian (Bonus)
Okay, there’s already a Kim Kardashian sex tape, with Ray J. But can you imagine if the sequel co-starring Kanye hit the web today? The Internet as we know it would break. Full-on implode.
Kylie Jenner (Double Bonus!)
This one we’re not so sure about, actually. Unlike others on this list, we can see it happening in some scenarios. Maybe a fake “leak” to test the waters followed by a “stolen” and “private” tape perhaps. Stay tuned. We’d say like mid-2019.
Donald Trump (Just Kidding)
No one actually wants to see this one, but given the ups and downs of the 2016 campaign, it’s just about the only thing we haven’t seen from the man yet. Plus, you know the sales would be YUGE. Bigly even.