I was allowed to take my puppy to gym class. My best friend played a didgeridoo he bought off the Internet.

marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen.

Over time, my belief in many things has wavered

If you have a vagina, by birth or by choice, you will be called 'mami' or 'sweetie' or 'Britney Spears.'

I associate pain in the vagina with weakness and sadness.

My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things that I did.

Most people’s jobs don’t consist of slamming your vagina against the flaccid, nylon-wrapped penis of a guy wearing massive amounts of foundation to conceal his assne.

drama, jealousy, drunkenness, friendships ended and cats inherited.

The story has everything

I am thinking particularly of a shower I took where the lower half of my body was under the running water and the upper half was laid out on the bath mat, eating a loaf of bread.

This was the same year that I became a vegan. This was inspired by a love of puppies and also a cow who winked at me on a family vacation to Saint Vincent and the Grenadines.

Revulsion can quickly become desire when mixed with the right muscle relaxants.

My mother invented the selfie.

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Once, when I was five, I was at an art opening talking to a fabulous drunken British lady.