Every year, the White House doctor checks the president's colon for polyps and George Clooney's head.

Now, over 8 million people have signed up for Obamacare, which is impressive, until you realize that Ashley Tisdale has 12 million Twitter followers.

Joel McHale: Fox News is the highest rated network in cable news. And it's all thanks to their key demographic: the corpses of old people who tuned into Fox News and haven't yet been discovered.

In nine months we will officially have a sequel to Bad Grandpa. When the baby is born, do you give Bill Clinton a cigar?

It's crazy to think that Joe Biden is only one heartbeat away from no one taking him seriously as President.

Joel McHale: People are asking, 'will Donald Trump run again?' And the answer is: 'does that thing on his head crap in the woods?' I actually don't know. I don't know if that thing on his head has a digestive system.

Hillary Clinton has a lot going for her as a candidate. She has the experience, she's a natural leader and as our first female president, we could pay her 30 percent less. That's a saving this country could use!

Joel McHale: Between Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and Ted Cruz, you just want to tell Canada: "Hey, hey. Relax. We already have a Florida.

Joel McHale: CNN is desperately searching for something that's been missing for months: their dignity.

I also host a show called The Soup, which is on the E! network. To Republicans in attendance, E! is the channel that your deeply-closeted gay son likes to watch. Democrats, it's the same channel that your happy, openly-gay son likes to watch.

Joel McHale: Good evening, Mr. President. Or as Paul Ryan refers to you: another inner-city minority relying on the federal government to feed and house your family.

I'm a big fan of President Obama. I think he's one of the top great Presidents. Definitely in the top 50. Please explain that to Jessica Simpson.