Breaking:
In Touch is currently reporting that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s marriage dissolved because of Brit’s attraction to the female persuasion!
And not only that, they’re also quoted an unnamed (but obvs super-close) source. who insists K-Fed was entirely unimpressed by Brit’s girl-on-girl romps, and that he plans to use these alleged trysts against her in the custody battle for those kids he never really wanted.
Now, assuming we momentarily suspend our disbelief and buy that Britney has, indeed, been an extremely well-closeted lesbian for all these years.
Are we really to now understand that she’s also a nymphomaniac who’s often shacking up with no less than six ladies at a time? Or that K-Fed had absolutely zero interest whatsoever in his wife’s fetish for girls and threesomes, but has massive interest in winning full custody of those boys he’s never seen/visited?
Somehow, we’re not buying it.
Of course, we’re slightly jaded, so we figured we ought to take to the streets and find out the “average” person’s reaction to this late-breaking news.
Girl #1: OMG, did you see the new cover of In Touch magazine?
Girl #2: Duh, I only read Us Weekly and The Economist! Why?
Girl #1: Because In Touch is reporting that Britney Spears is a TOTAL lesbo!
Girl #2: No!
Girl #1: Yes! Do you believe it?
Girl #2: No way!
Girl #1: Yeah, me neither.
Girl #2: Seriously, though, who could blame her? I’d rather sleep with a dozen girls than get into bed with K-Fed any day.
Hear that, In Touch? Looks like the general public ain’t buying it either. Because if not wanting to do K-Fed makes you a lesbian, then consider us Rosie O’Donnell.
That said, if it’s a “deeper connection” Brit’s looking for, we suggest that she team up with the suddenly-single, always-grungy Cisco Adler. We hear that one’s pretty ballsy.
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Chris says:
Not buying it either. Besides, even if she were a big ol’ lesbo, she lives in California — a state where the courts are really unlikely to use that as any basis to take away her custody. She’s much more likely to get labeled by the judge as an unfit mother because of her partying.
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