Folks, it looks like it's been a busy couple of days on the Swamp!
Jenelle Evans and David Eason have both been in damage control mode this week, and it looks more and more like those long quarantined days at home are starting to take a psychological toll.
Granted, Jenelle and David don't wear masks, and they probably think the coronavirus is some sort of lib'rul conspiracy, but we're sure the closure of such non-essential businesses as gun ranges and deep discount liquor stores has been hard on the Easons.
Anyway, let's get into it.
Earlier this week, we reported on allegations that Jenelle has been selling mold-infested makeup as part of her ongoing effort to avoid getting a real job.
Now, you're not gonna find a "rumor" that's been more thoroughly vetted and verified than this one.
It's a rumor in the same sense that the theory of evolution is a theory -- basically, we can't call it an established fact, but that's only because a couple of mouth-breathing rednecks are still disputing it.
Makeup influencer Rachel Pellegriti had one of Jenelle's kits tested, and a lab report she posted on Instagram indicates that mold was found in the sample.
YouTuber Leslie Bass opened and unboxed her eyebrow kit live and showed it to the camera as proof of contamination.
Naturally, Jenelle felt the need to respond with some utter BS that presumably sounded good in her head.
"Our makeup is completely clean and the FDA can come stop by if they need to," Jenelle commented.
"I have made out 200+ orders, and you mean to tell me you two are the only ones with 'mold'? I find that hard to believe. Seems like it was purposely contaminated to [sic] for attention. "You really expect for me to believe a home kit? Right,"
Hoo, boy. That's some logic, right there.
"No one found mold in any of the untested kits!" is about as sound an argument as "coronavirus cases will plummet if people just stop getting tested!"
With debate skills like that, we wouldn't be surprised if Jenelle announces that she's running for office in 2020.
Speaking of master debaters, let's momentarily hold our noses and shift our focus toward David Eason, who's been embroiled in a bitter conflict of his own this week.
As you'll probably recall, Eason was fired from Teen Mom 2 for hurling bigoted slurs on social media.
A few months back there was a lame, manufactured controversy surrounding the possibility that Cheyenne Floyd would be fired for making racially insensitive remarks.
Nothing ever came of it for two reasons:
1. Cheyenne is a black woman, and
2. Her remarks weren't nearly as offensive as David's.
Still, David is dredging the situation back up today in hopes of either getting his job back or getting Cheyenne fired, both of which are simply not gonna happen.
"Cheyenne has so much 'privilege' she can say the most racist things out of anyone, delete her apology but still not fired?" Eason wrote in his Instagram Story.
"Make this b--ch famous for being racist, Boycott MTV contact their sponsors!" he demanded of his fans.
From there, he went after Teen Mom 2 producer Morgan J. Freeman, which is such a dumb strategy for getting re-hired that it could only have originated in David's walnut brain.
"Morgan acts like he cares about racism but looks like he only holds white people accountable for their actions," Eason wrote.
David's racism is well-documented, so it should come as no surprise that he's chosen this, of all times, to complain about being discriminated against as a straight white dude.
Equally unsurprising is the fact that no one cares about this cry-baby publicly filling his diaper and throwing a little tantrum.
But hey, at least he's providing some entertainment for the rest of us while we socially distance responsibly!
See? We guess David isn't a total drain on society, after all!