If you watched Super Bowl LIV on Sunday night, you bore witness to two epic battles between living legends at the height of their powers:
One was between Patrick Mahomes and Jimmy Garoppolo, while the other pitted Shakira against Jennifer Lopez.
Okay, the latter wasn't a contest, exactly, but it was a display of talent of physical superiority that prompted endless debate the following day.
There was the debate over which singer rocked the crowd most thoroughly, of course, and there was the requisite, tiresome debate over whether Shakira and J-Lo's attire was "appropriate" for a "family" event.
(We're guessing the same middle American moms who clutched their pearls over Shakira's tongue-wagging were far less critical of the strip show Adam Levine put on in 2019. Just sayin'.)
But there was a third, far less lively argument that didn't gain much traction on social media, because it consisted of a group of extremist weirdos alternately preaching to the choir and shrieking into the void:
In one of the halftime show's most poignant moments, J-Lo donned a feathered cape with the design of a Puerto Rican flag, while her daughter, Emme, belted out a stirring rendition of Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.”
You'd be hard-pressed to find a more indelible statement on the immigrant experience in America, and this one was beamed into 100 million American homes. Awesome, right?
Sadly, we live in the age of perpetual outrage, a time in which even the most well-intentioned efforts are met with a stern finger-wagging.
So it wasn't long before the puritanical scolds at PETA lodged their objection against Lopez's feathery flag.
“This flag could have flown without killing birds," the organization tweeted this week.
"Dozens of birds were KILLED for this #SuperBowl #PepsiHalfTime performance. #SuperBowlLIV
Serious question: does PETA think feathers are vital organs?
We're not saying with absolute certainty that no birds were harmed in the making of that flag, but just as wool can be sheared from sheep without taking a single lamb life, so, too, can feathers be gathered from birds without resulting in a hundred parakeet carcasses being delivered to the local KFC.
J-Lo has yet to respond to this nothingburger controversy, but fortunately, flag-designer Versace did the talking for her.
“All feathers used for the flag were sourced in an ethical way," the company responded.
So there you have it, PETA.
Now instead of harassing entertainers for making political statements, why don't you do something important like try and dissuade President Trump from 40,000 cows per year in the form of bunless Big Macs?