Dean McDermott: I Crank it to Tori Spelling's Scenes on 90210!
by Tyler Johnson at . Updated at .There's TMI - and then there's whatever this is, which has us sticking a length of wire into our ears, hoping to spear the memory of Dean McDermott's latest comments so that it might be extracted and studied in a lab.
(Ed. note: Don't try that at home.)
As you may recall McDermott has a new podcast, and apparently, his plan for distinguishing himself from the roughly 40 gazillion podcasts already available for download is to talk at length about the weirder aspects of his sex life with Tori Spelling.
It's not such a terrible strategy, really.
After all, outside of his marriage, Dean's biggest claim to fame is briefly serving as host of Chopped Canada.
So yeah, he should probably give the people what they want, which happens to be salacious details about his marriage.
In previous episodes, McDermott reveals that he thinks with his penis too much and that for some reason, he and Tori have sex while watching The Real Housewives of Orange County.
These days, of course, the big talk in Tori Town is the 90210 reboot, which has actually attracted a decent-sized audience, to the great surprise of many.
Throughout the industry, experts and analysts are dicussing what the success of the show might mean for its fondly-remembered cast.
But there's only one question on Dean's mind - what does this mean for my dong?
"Have you two ever role played as Donna Martin and somebody else?" one of McDermott's co-hosts asked this week.
"Yeah, she's dressed up like Donna Martin and it's f--king awesome," Dean predicatably replied.
"I was Dean McDermott. Here's the thing, the thing I love about [the reboot] is the flashbacks."
Yes, it seems Dean really has a thing for the flashbacks in which his wife is portrayed as much younger than her current self.
We'll leave it up to you to decide if that's creepy (it is):
"In Episode 2, the flashback, Tori running down the hall and she talks to Kelly, I was like schwing! She looked hot," McDermott went on.
"You know the story, I had a crush on Tori on the show, so to see the flashbacks, I put it in the spank bank."
While the really disturbing part of all this is that Dean used the word "schwing" in 2019, on Twitter, fans were more fixated on the TMI insights into his bedroom shenanigans:
"Um, it should stay in her bedroom, why do we need to know?" asked one fan
"I never thought I'd have to mute Tori Spelling, but there you have it," echoed another.
"They need that $$. Got to sell thier(sic) story no matter what it is," a third chimed in.
Elsewhere in the same episode, Dean revealed that he has Tori's name tattooed above his dong:
"I have my wife's name tattooed. It says Tori's," he told his co-hosts.
He added that he did so on a whim, and not because he was caught cheating with Emily Goodhand.
"I was getting [his arm sleeve] done and I surprised her with it. I surprised her. She loved it," he added.
Sounds like someone is angling for a new reality show -- but ironically, he's doing so by offering way too much reality.
