Dean McDermott Gets Super NSFW Describing Wife's Infamous Nip Slip

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Dean McDermott has already admitted to his regrets about thinking with his penis.

Now, he's reaching way back to 2011, when he accidentally posted a photo of his wife's bare breasts for the entire world to see.

Dean is explaining how that embarrassing incident went down ... and using the most NSFW language imaginable in the process.

Spelling and McDermott

On Monday's episode of his Daddy Issues podcast, Dean McDermott recalled an infamous 2011 incident.

At the time, he had accidentally uploaded a selfie ... that featured his wife, Tori Spelling, extremely topless in the background.

"Hattie was just born," he narrates. "So this was seven years ago."

This is where Dean's recollection becomes extremely, explicitly nsfw.

Brace yourselves. He is not mincing words.

Tori and Dean McDermott

"And Tori had the big, juicy titties with the breast milk and stuff," Dean describes.

I may be totally body-positive and sex-positive, but I still could have gone my literal entire life without that particular description.

"We were laying in bed," he continues. "And course, six, seven years ago."

"I was really new to this social media thing," he explains. "It was fairly new."

He says that he and Tori were "goofing around in bed" and playing with kitchen-themed stickers with their then seix-year-old son, Liam.

Dean McDermott with Wife

"I took a sticker and put it on my forehead, and I took a selfie," Dean says. "You know, ‘Pot head.’"

"And then I showed Liam and he was laughing," he describes.

We somehow think (hope?) that a 6-year-old was not laughing at the double meaning.

"I put a rolling pin on [Liam’s] forehead," he says. "And I take a selfie and I put, ‘Dough head.’ …"

But the selfie included a special and unintended guest star.

Tori and Dean in Hawaii

"Unbeknownst to me, because I didn’t have my glasses on," Dean explains. "Was Tori in the back [of the photo]."

He says that she had "both breasts out" at the time.

That would be the big, juicy ones.

He says that rather than Tori being in a tits out sort of mood, this was "because she just finished feeding the baby."

"And I posted it," Dean says. "And went to bed."

He had no idea what he had just done. 

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, 12 Year Anniversary

The next morning, frantic calls from reps and publicists alerted him to what had gone down on social media.

"I was mortified," Dean admits.

"[Tori] is such a champ." he praises.

"I’m not just saying this," Dean clarifies. "I’ve got the best wife in the world."

"She was just like, ‘Well, they look really good,'" he reveals. "She took it all in stride."

Some people would not have handled that nearly as well.

Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott: 2016 Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards

Tori and the alleged juiciness of her breasts aside, Dean does make a decent point.

In 2011, which is when this scandal went down, social media was extremely new.

Additionally, folks who need glasses but aren't wearing them just aren't playing with a full deck, so to speak.

Sometimes you see social media posts about waking up and seeing something in a bedroom, and glasses folks reply with "what?"

Because they can't automatically see clearly without their glasses. A very quiet burglar might go unnoticed.

So we get that Dean just straight up didn't see his wife's tatas in the pic.

There's plenty of other stuff to give him grief over. That 2011 accident? That's understandable.

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Dean McDermott Quotes

"I'm miserable and I'm unhappy." - Dean, getting right down to business, and not just because a lizard crawled onto him (which did happen obviously)

"What's keeping you in this marriage?" - True Tori producer to Tori, who cried and said that when there are children involved, you look at it differently (on reality television if at all possible)