Lamar Odom is back in the news this week, and folks, we're all better off for it.
Odom has a new memoir coming out, and in order to promote the book, he's been sharing previously-unknown revelations about his wild life and times.
We've known for quite some time that Odom engaged in all manner of bad behavior off the court, but it turns out his downward spiral was more severe than most of us realized.
In the book, Odom confirms that he was a coked-up wild man during his marriage to Khloe Kardashian.
The drug use has been well-documented -- Odom nearly died from an overdose in 2015 -- but it turns out Lamar's cheating was just as extreme.
Odom claims he's slept with 2,000 women in his life, and while those aren't quite Wilt Chamberlain numbers, we're hoping poor Khloe has been thoroughly tested since ending that disastrous marriage.
So obviously, Lamar had trouble keeping it in his pants -- but it turns out his penis problems don't end there.
Odom was named to the 2004 US Olympic basketball team, and in the book, he calls his selection “one of the biggest honors in my career.”
However, “the joy of being named to the twelve-man roster quickly turned to anxiety when Olympic officials informed me that I would have to pass a drug test before officially joining the team,” he writes.
Odom says he was "smoking weed every day that summer" and knew he could never pass a urine test the old-fashioned way -- and so, he got creative.
“We started googling ‘fake penises’ and studied different ways to beat a drug test,” Odom writes
While he says he "was paranoid it wouldn’t work" going into the test, the fraudulent dong apparently did the trick.
“(An official) stuck a thermometer in the cup to gauge the temperature … satisfied that the pee was mine, said ‘Welcome to Team USA,’ ” Odom writes.
The US team went on to deliver a disappointing performance that year, earning a bronze medal after suffering a shocking loss to Argentina.
(No shame in a bronze, but when you have freakin' Lebron on your team ...)
But Odom learned a valuable lesson that obviously stuck with him for several years afterward:
No one really wants to take out a magnifying glass and examine your privates, so they'll mostly just believe whatever sort of dong-related deceptions you can come up with.
Words to live by.