Colton Underwood Compares Period Blood to Literal Sh-t, Gets Crapped on By Internet

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Colton Underwood is not entirely sure how the female body works.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who watched the most recent season of The Bachelor, considering ABC hammered home the fact that Colton had never ever gone all the way with a woman before.

Which is to say, the guy was a virgin throughout filming.

Colton! Cassie!

It's safe to assume this has now changed with Cassie Randolph.

Underwood selected her as his hopeful wife-to-be on The Bachelor finale -- and, although the couple is not engaged, they do seem to be totally in love.

And have probably made some sweet, passionate love at some point in their relationship.

Anyway, though. We digress. The point here is that Underwood isn't an authority on vaginas and/or what goes on inside of them.

This became more evident than ever during a round of “Ask Me Anything” on LadyGang.

Cohost Keltie Knight asked the reality star whether he notices if a girlfriend is “wearing a cute underwear or, like, a period underwear.” 

cu talk show

Sort of a weird question, and definitely a personal question, and the former professional football player totally fumbled his response.

Underwood appeared to be surprised and confused over the idea of "period underwear," prompting Becca Tobin to explain that “girls have special underwear that’s designated for your time of the month.”

WHAT? EWWWW! GROSS, Colton basically replied.

“You keep ‘em around? Buy new underwear! Throw them away,” a clearly disgusted Underwood shot back.

Colton and Cassie

At this reply, When Jac Vanek said that Colton was being “wasteful,” to which Underwood tried to respond by saying he's really being magnanimous.

Or at least he'd happy to be if this situation arose with his significant other.

“I, as a husband and a boyfriend, will go buy you new underwear," Underwood said, shoving his foot all the way into his mouth by adding:

"That is so gross! So if you sh-t your pants, are you gonna just wash them? No, you’re throwing them away.”

Dude, Knight, replied. Dude!

“It’s not sh-t," she said. "It’s flesh of my womb.”

Colton and Cassie in Bed!

It's true.

For those unaware, per Wikipedia:

The menstrual cycle is the regular natural change that occurs in the female reproductive system that makes pregnancy possible. The cycle is required for the production of oocytes, and for the preparation of the uterus for pregnancy. 

Trust us, guys, you do not want to compare this natural monthly occurrence to human feces.

Not if you ever want to get inside your woman's underwear ever again. 

As you can see below, Twitter users took major exception to Colton's ignorant and insensitive take:

colton twitter

“@colton compared having your period leak in your underwear to s–tting your pants,” one critic wrote. "This is why I’m forever grateful my boyfriend grew up with 4 sisters so he’s not an ignoramus.”

Added another:

"I’m sorry, but you talking about women’s periods is disgusting.. my husband goes to the store to buy me tampons because he’s not an embarrassed 12 year old."

And another:

"@colton did you throw out every jersey you ever bled on in football?"

Who to Choose?!????

As part of this interview, Colton also weighed in on whether women should get waxed regularly.

"Yes, 100 percent," he said, much to Becca's dismay.

The reality star later shared his thoughts on how many times a week a woman should have sex with her husband.

"Ideally, probably, like, three to four," he said, leading to the only acceptable response from any husband reading this:

LOL! You may be in for a surprise after you exchange those vows, dude!

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The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]