From the start of Meghan Markle's pregnancy, the tabloid press has obsessively agonized over two questions.
For starters, they want to know if Meghan is having a boy or a girl.
Hilariously, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex recently stymied those investigative efforts by revealing that they intend to take a "fluid approach" to gender while raising their first child.
How hilarious would it be to watch Piers Morgan progressively lose what's left of his mind as Meg and Harry force the British press to wait years before revealing their child's gender?
The other big question, of course, is that of Meghan's due date.
That one's been the cause of international speculation for months now, but Meg and Harry have consistently kept mum.
(Get it? Mum?! Like, what British people call their ... eh, forget it.)
“No, it’s actually very sweet. It’s a very sweet, nurturing thing to ask. We’re nearly there!”
And folks, when Meg says she's "nearly there" she's really not joking.
Early reports pinned down Meghan's due date at some point between late March and early April.
And those who have been closely monitoring her bump (the term "royal-watchers" is quite literal sometimes) say the duchess looks as though she'll be ready to welcome a bundle of joy within a matter of weeks.
Unfortunately, Meg's "nearly there" comments are probably the closest we'll get to an official due date.
Of course, it's not as though the royal couple is keeping the big day under wraps for Kardashian-esque reasons.
In fact, they'd probably prefer that the UK tabloids stop speculating, and we're sure they'd like as little attention as possible on the big day.
The reason why Meg, Harry, and all royals keep such details on the down-low is for security purposes.
With Meghan, there's the added concern that she'll be giving birth at the hospital that's nearest to her home in Frogmore Cottage, and not in the same London hospital in which Kate Middleton delivered her children.
We're sure Meg's security detail has the place mapped out, but still -- it's a facility with which they're unfamiliar.
Whatever the case, Meghan's baby shower is complete; she and Harry have set up shop at Frogmore; and the world is ready for the arrival of another royal baby.
Everyone's excited -- except, of course, for the many Meg haters who refuse to shut up on social media.
It'll be harder than ever for these dolts to find fault with the duchess in the weeks after she becomes a mom.
Sadly, many of them may be forced to take up hobbies. It's a real tragedy, when you think about it.