Folks, we regret to inform you that Samantha Markle is back on her bullsh-t.
You might remember Meghan Markle's awful sister from her never-ending smear campaign that seems designed to ruin the Duchess' life.
What exactly Samantha would stand to gain from Meghan's downfall is anyone's guess.
Does she think Harry has to marry her if she successfully destroys Meghan in the press?
We may never know for sure, but our best guess is that Samantha is very bored, and very, very jealous.
In the peasant world, we call these people haters.
For most of human history, royals didn't need to come up with a name for these people because they lopped their heads off and fed the rest to the pigs.
It was a much simpler time.
Anyway, for whatever reason, Scammy Sammy's takedown method of choice is the written word.
Again, this is baffling, as the woman can barely compose a tweet that conveys an intelligible thought.
But Samantha has been teasing a tell-all memoir about Meghan for years -- this, despite the fact that no publishers seem interested in the progress, and it's well established that she and Meghan have had zero contact for over a decade.
Samantha's first book -- with the unintentional title of The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister -- never saw the light of day.
But like any committed con artist, Sammy has remained persistent.
Over the weekend, she tweeted that she'll be releasing not one, but two books this year.
Both of them about Meghan, of course, and both of them self-published (because publishing houses are well aware that no one wants to read the unhinged ramblings of a psychopath unless said psychopath is O.J. Simpson trying to convince you he didn't kill his wife.)
"I couldn't help but let it slip! There are actually two books coming out! 'In The Shadows Of The Duchess I and II,'"
To be fair, Shadows of the Duchess is actually a pretty badass title -- if you're naming like Fifty Shades-style Star Wars-inspired fanfic.
Not so much when it comes to a memoir about a member of the Royal Family that we're actually supposed to read and take seriously.
But hey, if Sam can work in a scene where high tea turns into hardcore S&M, she might have a bestseller on her hands!