Johnny Depp has been in the news a lot lately and -- spoiler alert! -- it's not because of his incredible career comeback.
Quite the opposite in fact, as Depp's torturously slow meltdown has made him a major tabloid staple in recent months.
The Summer of Johnny Drama began when photos of Depp looking frail and gaunt made their way around social media.
From there, we were treated to Depp's bizarre Rolling Stone interview, in which it was revealed that he spends most of his time padding around a massive London mansion smoking hash and blaring Marilyn Manson, which is the ideal existence if you're a 15-year-old goth, but is more than a little sad if you're a 55-year-old dad getting stoned with people who are paid to hang out with you.
Of course, the beginning of Depp's very public downfall was his ugly divorce from Amber Heard.
During the split, it was revealed that Depp was often abusive toward Heard, even going so far as to physically attack her in such brutal fashion that she was left bruised and bloody.
After the split, Depp and Heard both signed non-disclosure agreements which prohibit them from speaking to the press about their marriage or divorce.
Sounds like a net positive for Depp, but for some reason, the actor has decided to open the dark sarcophagus of his past and spill the foul red fluid of his sh-tty behavior all over an unsuspecting populace.
Apparently, Johnny was extremely pissed off by a UK tabloid's account of his marriage, and he's decided to sue for libel.
In doing so, he's offered his version of events, which leans very heavily on the old "actually, she was the abuser!" narrative.
According to court documents obtained by The Daily Mail, Depp claims Heard once humiliated him by drunkenly socking him in the face at her own birthday party.
“Ms. Heard, who had been drinking, became aggressive and violent… punching him twice in the face,” Depp's attorneys write.
They go on to claim that Depp “defended himself by grabbing Ms. Heard’s arms to stop her punching again and told her to stop," adding:
"He pushed her away on to the bed and told her he was leaving and that she should not follow him.”
Yes, Johnny's playing the "real victim" card these days, and to the surprise of no one who's not named Johnny Depp, it's triggering bullsh-t detectors all over the world.
In fact, the response from Amber's lawyers basically consists of them going, "Look at this guy. You really gonna believe him?"
“These allegations are totally false," their reply reads.
"One needs only read the recent Rolling Stone article about Mr. Depp and the lawsuit filed against him by a location manager, among many other recent news stories and lawsuits, to understand his state of mind.”
If Depp's lawyers are smart they'll just shrug and say touché.
We'd almost feel bad for them ... if they weren't defending Johnny Depp.