These days, Jennifer Aniston is on the market, having recently ended her marriage to Justin Theroux.
Brad Pitt is not single, and is currently dating Neri Oxman, but will the internet let a few pesky facts interfere with news so fake it still stinks of the beluga and Smirnoff they serve for lunch at the Kremlin?
We think you know the answer to that question.
Yes, word on the social media street today is that Aniston is pregnant with Pitt's baby.
While it's fun to joke about every single nonsensical rumor originating in Moscow, it seems this report comes to us from Down Under.
Specifically, we can thank the Aussie tabloid Woman's Day, which recently claimed that Brad and Jen are married, and has been pushing the "pregnant Jen" fan fiction since the days when Ross and Rachel were on a break.
This time, the report has picked up some added legitimacy thanks to OK! magazine, which made the baffling decision to run with the story.
“Jen: Yes I’m Pregnant — With Brad’s Baby!” exclaims the tabloid's latest issue.
The piece itself uses the international language of BS to "report" on the story without ever stating a single fact.
“Sources are buzzing,” OK! claims, insisting that Aniston and Pitt are “finally on their way to becoming a family” while offering nothing in the way of evidence.
“During one of their romantic get-togethers that Jen surprised Brad with a proposal — to have a baby with her," an “insider” contends.
“Of course he agreed.”
Note that at no point does the source actually claim that Jen is pregnant.
The best OK! could do was find someone willing to claim that Pitt and Aniston talked about having a baby at one point.
The source went on to claim that the actors are “blissfully, if quietly, happy and planning next steps," which doesn't mean anything, and is not how people talk.
It might seem like we're going particularly hard on OK! for doing what tabloids have done since time immemorial, but we've really reached the point where this particular rumor needs to be put to bed.
We know the tabloid media has a long history of pairing up celebs who have zero interest in one another romantically, but this magazine is particularly shameless when it comes to playing ... OK! Cupid.
We'll show ourselves out.