There are a lot of famous sex monsters walking free. But some are behind bars. Jared Fogle was sentenced to 15 years in prison, and he's just over two years in.
It's pretty safe to say that he is not enjoying his prison stay. In fact, he has once again attempted to appeal his sentence -- by drafting the appeal himself and claiming that the court lacked jurisdiction.
The judge ... wasn't impressed.
Jared Fogle rose to fame as a spokesperson for Subway, showcasing his weight loss. Though he was fired from that job when accusations surfaced, he is arguably the worst thing to ever happen to that company.
(I know that this is where there's almost an obligatory jab at Subway's products, but I actually love their food)
For 15 years, Jared was the spokesperson for Subway. And then he came under investigation for paying for sex with minors.
As you can imagine when we're talking about a man accused of having sex with children, he was also investigated for receiving child pornography.
In 2015, he was accused, tried, and convicted. His currently estimated release date is July 11th, 2029.
Since going to prison, Jared Fogle has been a key example of the way that men who prey upon children often do not fare well in prison.
By which we mean that Jared was brutally attacked by another inmate.
Even though most of us can agree that the prison system needs to be overhauled so that people who serve sentences stand a chance at rehabilitation rather than facing potential violence, it's hard to get too upset when the victim of violence is a guy imprisoned for preying upon children.
And Jared is apparently paying other inmates to protect him. So we guess that he's a job-creator now, or something.
It's pretty safe to say, though, that he's not enjoying his stay behind bars. He wants out.
Jared appealed his sentence once before, claiming that he was being punished for his thoughts -- his fantasies -- rather than for his actions.
See, the judge directly referred to his fantasies that he expressed in secretly recorded phone conversations.
We totally agree that, disgusting though they may be, someone's thoughts or fantasies shouldn't get them arrested.
Jared's appeal didn't work, though. Probably because, though the judge did mention his fantasies, he was convicted of sex with minors and receiving child porn.
The court upheld Jared's sentence.
This time, Jared came up with his own legal argument in the prison library. Well, he borrowed a legal argument that another inmate had unsuccessfully made.
Jared filed documents claiming that the court in which he had been tried had no jurisdiction. That's the legalese equivalent of "I don't recognize the authority of this court."
His argument was that he believed that the case against him hinged upon travel between states taking place, and apparently countered that he had only committed his sex crimes in a single state.
TMZ reports that Jared Fogle's appeal was shut down. The judge was not amused, and though she told him that he was welcome to appeal her ruling on his "frivilous" argument, she said that the law specifically covered his crimes.
We guess that it's not really a huge surprise that "actually I only preyed upon children in one state" didn't fly for the appeal.
While we're not legal experts, we can't imagine that Judge Pratt is eager to be overturned on appeal. Judges rarely are.
Therefore it's probably unlikely that Jared will see much success with this argument.
But you never know when someone will find a technicality and be able to worm themselves out of prison despite what seemed like an open-and-shut case.
If not, though, Jared will just have to wait until 2029. If, you know, he lives that long.