In case you haven't heard, Johnny Depp is broke.
Mind you, we don't mean he's munching on mayonnaise sandwiches and cliping coupons.
Hell, he probably hasn't sold a single scarf or turquoise ring.
But Depp is Hollywood broke, which means he's somehow managed to squander the fortune he made doing Keith Richards impressions in a succession of increasingly unpopular Disney movies.
The revelations about Depp's dire financial straits come to us courtesy of court documents from a pair of very contentious lawsuits.
The legal wrangling began when Depp sued his former management team, TMG, alleging that the group mishandled his funds and failed to warn him that he was spending himself into relative poverty.
TMG counter-sued, insisting that Depp spent decades enjoying a ludicrously and unsustanably lavish lifestyle.
The group offered up a number of examples of Depp's spendthrift ways, pointing to his massive collection of antique cars, and habit of spending $30,000 a month on wine.
Now, a series of emails between Depp and TMG head Joel Mandel have been entered into evidence, and they don't do much to support Depp's portrayal of himself as a humble thespian blindsided by his own financial woes:
In the emails, Mandel warned Depp to “take it easy on holiday spending” and told him they need to meet to “look realistically at income and expenses and work together on how to make sure that these are back in balance,”
Depp wrote back, basically being like, "nah":
“Doing my very best on holiday spending but there is only so much i can do, as i need to give my kiddies and famille [sic] as good a Christmas as possible, obviously within reason," the actor replied.
Depp went on to (probably sarcastically) offer to sell some belongings:
“What else can i do??? you want me to sell some art??? i will. you want me to sell something else??? sure… what???” Depp wrote.
“i got bikes, cars, property, books, paintings and some semblance of a soul left. where would you like me to start???”
Psssht ... it's so non-goth to admit you have a soul.
Tim Burton is probably pissed.
Mandel responded that the best thing Depp could do would be to sell his private jet.
Johnny wasn't having that:
“A commercial flight with paparazzis in tow would be a f—ing nightmare of monumental proportions,” he wrote.
“I don’t like being in this situation, but there wasn’t a whole lot of choice, as THE RUM DIARY was a sacrifice we knew would be happening and the last proper paycheck was PUBLIC ENEMIES. i will do my best, joel."
To be fair, Johnny is absolutely right.
Flying commercial is a nightmare, and we say that having never set foot on a private jet.
Can you imagine going from a Gulfstream to United?
If the compulsory beating from the cabin crew didn't make you weep, then the shrink-wrapped organ transplants those people call meals would definitely do the trick.