Over the recent holiday weekend, you may have seen the occasional headline about Pirates of the Caribbean 5 making a "boatload of cash" or finding "box office gold."
Truth be told, the movie did better than expected overseas, but actually underperformed in America.
Granted, that distinction doesn't matter much in our modern media landscape, especially as Russia moves more plastic soldiers into Washington as part of the batsh-t game of Risk that is life in 2017.
Anyway, the upshot is that the latest entry made enough money to ensure that Pirates 6: Yes, Seriously will hit theaters sometime around 2016.
It's great news for the franchise's anchor, Johnny Depp, who's been struggling with some financial issues lately.
And by that we mean you may soon find him standing near a burning trash can, passing a pint of MD 20/20 back and forth with his fellow bedraggled scarf enthusiasts.
Obviously, we kid, and Johnny is actually doing fine in the money department by regular folk standards.
The recent reports of Depp being on the verge of bankruptcy are not exaggerated (in fact, they've been confirmed by various court documents), but he's only in danger of going Hollywood broke, not actual broke.
Sell a couple islands, churn out some Nic Cage-quality direct-to-DVD garbage, and Depp will be fine,
Still the question remains of what the hell happened to all his money, and on that score, there are two conflicting stories.
Currently, Depp is suing his management team, claiming that TMG mishandled his funds and failed to warn him that he was living beyond his means.
The firm is countersuing with a claim that Depp ignored repeated warnings that his extravagant lifestyle (which included a $30,000 a month wine budget) would drive him to the brink of financial ruin.
Now, new revelations made by a former TMG employee and published by The Hollywood Reporter could shed new light on how Captain Jack's treasure chest wound up so bare.
The employee claims that Depp's Christi Dembrowski was permitted to spend her brother's money at will, and TMG was afraid to stop her due to her infamous temper.
The employee has even provided an internal memo in which Dembrowski is described as a "nasty bitch."
The revelation could benefit either side, as it confirms both that TMG didn't do everything it could to protect Depp's assets, but also that Depp and his family spent recklessly and frivolously.
For much of this court battle, it's seemed as though the scales were tipping ever so slightly in TMG's corner.
But earlier today, Team Depp fired back with some incendiary accusations that could tilt the case in the actor's favor.
For starters, Depp's lawyers claim the firm used his assets to secure $40 million in loans without his knowledge.
Additionally, the actor claims TMG execs were negligent with his funds, citing as an example a case in which they forgot to cancel the lease on a hospice house for his late mother, costing Depp $350,000.
So what's the takeaway from all of this?
Mainly that Depp swaggering around with a parrot on his shoulder will be the last sight you see before the sun expands and engulfs the Earth, bringing an end to human existence as we know it.