Johnny Depp has money problems.
That might sound like a relatable struggle, but Johnny's financial issues are very, very different from those of the peasantry.
For instance, you've probably never found yourself in the position of being unable to afford the upkeep on your private Bahamian islands because you've been spending $30,000 a month on wine.
But Captain Jack has found himself in just such a predicament, and apparently that bonkers scenario doesn't even begin to capture the scope and absurdity of Depp's ludicrously lavish spending habits:
News of the actor's economic eccentricity keeps coming to us via one of the most entertaining legal battles in recent memory.
It all started when Depp sued his management firm, TMG, claiming that the group had mishandled his funds and allowed him to spend himself into relative poverty.
(Relative, of course, to being able to drop a middle-class annual income on your monthly Bordeaux habit.)
the group countersued, claiming that Depp is a "habitual liar" with a compulsive spending disorder that brought him to the brink of bankruptcy on more than one occasion.
These days, sources claim Depp is so broke he can't even afford an agent, and TMG has been happy to inform the court (and the public) of exactly how a guy with eight-figure annual earnings wound up in such a tight spot.
The expenditures seem to get more ridiculous with each new legal filing, and amazingly, Depp isn't even denying TMG's claims.
In fact, when the group claimed that Depp spent $3 million on Hunter S. Thompson's funeral, the actor publicly corrected them and pointed out that he actually spent $5 million on the memorial service.
The lawsuit is Depp's most entertaining work in years, and today's revelation is a double-whammy, as it contains not only hilarious new details about that aforementioned wine habit, but also sheds new light on the ways in which a few decades of consuming that much vino can effect one's cognitive abilities.
According to TMG's lawyers, Depp is either unwilling or incapable of remembering lines for his films, and for years, he's employed someone to feed him his dialogue through an earpiece.
TMG alleges that Johnny has spent “hundreds of thousands of dollars to employ a full-time sound engineer, who Depp has used for years to feed him lines during film production.”
Johnny is apparently so reliant on this sort of help that the "sound engineer" gets paid even when he's not working:
"Depp insisted that this sound engineer be kept on yearly retainer so that he no longer had to memorize his lines,” the suit claims.
Apparently keeping professionals on retainer is a habit of Depp's as he allegedly drops $1.2 million a year on a personal physician, as well as untold millions to retain "an army of attorneys."
As for all that syrah sipping, Johnny apparently attempted to describe his wine habit as "an investment" - but TMG was having none of that:
“Depp would be hard pressed to find a single bottle of wine that he purchased during his tenure with TMG that he or his various companions have not yet consumed,” says a court filing.
“Wine is not an investment if you drink it as soon as you buy it.”
Yes, Johnny Depp's life has reached the point where it can best be described using phrases that sound like "funny" status updates from your most basic Facebook friend.