According to a bombshell new report, Angelina Jolie isn't simply ready to move on from Brad Pitt...
... she's ready to move on from Brad Pitt and head to the altar with another man!
Raise your hand if you saw that development coming.
Okay, now lower your hand if you had it raised. Because you're clearly lying.
The cover story of the latest In Touch Weekly screams about an "Angelina Shocker," as editors try to make the case that Jolie is "GETTING MARRIED ALREADY."
Finally, the tabloid promises, the "real reason" why Angelina dumped Brad has been revealed.
Indeed, “Angelina’s getting married,” an unnamed, allegedly close friend supposedly tells the magazine, although this pal refuses to divulge the name of Jolie's fiance.
But he's a “wealthy, 40-something Brit," the insider swears, going on to describe this lucky fellow as a "philanthropist business man."
Hmmm... Jolie is very into philanthropy. It's kind of her things these days. Might there be some truth to this seemingly ridiculous rumor?!?
This same story says none of Jolie's six children have met her mystery man just yet, despite a wedding evidently being in the works.
How does Pitt feel about his long-time wife preparing to exchange vows with her new lover, mere months after she filed to divorce him?
The actor was “knocked for a loop,” In Touch reports, although he'll need to wrap his head around this engagement soon.
Jolie is “trying to speed up the divorce so she can tie the knot as quickly as possible," the report reads.
The source also goes on to state that a "quickie wedding would be the ultimate payback" for Angelina.
And why would Jolie be interesting in getting revenge against Pitt?
The star filed to legally end her marriage to Pitt because she believed him to be a bad father.
There was some kind of altercation on board a private airplane that resulted in the FBI being called in to investigate Pitt for charges of assault.
No evidence was ever discovered to support this claim.
Just last week, meanwhile, Radar Online broke its own bombshell, alleging that a man DID actually come between Jolie and Pitt.
But it wasn't a lover. It was Jolie's own brother, James Haven!
He's always been unusually tight with his famous sister and yet another anonymous friend told the website that Pitt grew sick and tired of their awkward relationship.
“James was so close to them that he was actually living with them,” author Ian Halperin said in an interview to promote his new film, Broken: The Incredible Story of Brangelina.
"It put Brad over the edge. Brad gave Ang the ultimatum; it’s him or me!”
Way back in 2000, of course, Jolie and Haven kissed multiple times on the lips in public, freaking many people out.
There's even been talk over the years of incest between the brother and sister, but Halperin was quick to say he didn't believe this was the case.
"The conclusion is amongst experts ‘No wonder they split," he told Radar, adding:
"Here we are more than a decade later and James is living with them full time. Ultimately it was too close for comfort for Brad.”
We wonder how Angelina's new man feels about her brother.
Once we identify this random rich British dude and get him on the phone, we'll let you know.