In the latest issue of Us Weekly, Lamar Odom opens way about up his history of drug use, his past of cheating on Khloe Kardashian and where his troubled life stands at this point.
It's easily the most revealing Odom has ever been in one interview.
The former basketball star, who is almost better known at this point for his four-year marriage to Kardashian, admits that he probably should be dead.
He refers to himself as a "walking miracle" after he fell unconscious in October while taking drugs and having sex with a lot of women at a brothel in Las Vegas.
Odom tells the magazine that he suffered 12 strokes and two heart attacks as a result of the incident.
The 37-year old completed a stint at San Diego’s Casa Palmera rehab center in January; is working on an autobiography; and says he must be “winning” at life.
Simply because he's alive.
Asked if Khloe was aware of his drug problem during their marriage, Lamar says yes.
He then delves into her reaction after his wife caught him doing cocaine in his "man cave" some time in 2009.
"She was disappointed. So was I," Odom says in this cover story, adding;
"The sad thing about it is, I don’t know if I was disappointed because I was actually doing the drug or because she caught me. She knew I was doing cocaine the whole time after that. It was my drug of choice.
"I’m not going to say she accepted it because that would be the wrong word. Tolerated would be a better word."
Does Lamar regret any appearances on Keeping Up with the Kardashians?
Or his spinoff with Khloe? Or just making his romance so public in general?
Yes and no.
Lamar says this exposure opened up new "business opportunities" for him, even referencing the fragrance (actually called "Unbreakable") that he developed with Khloe.
But it also made him better known and painted him as "enticing" to other women.
Yes, Lamar Odom cheated on Khloe. He's here to fully admit that.
"Bitches and THOTs came out of the woodwork," he says to Us Weekly.
"If there is one thing I regret when I was married, it was having multiple affairs with different women. That wasn’t the stand-up thing to do. I wish I could have kept my d--k in my pants."
Khloe finally had enough and filed for divorce in 2013.
And that's when Odom moved into an apartment with a friend and really let loose, in the most dangerous way possible.
"I was in a very dark place and very confrontational," he explains.
"I wasn’t trying to repair my marriage; I was just trying to get high. My life was all about drugs at that point. It probably helped the end of my career come along a little faster because drugs killed my drive to want to train and be in shape.
"It killed that and my sex drive. The only time you can f--k is when you take coke."
Lamar goes on to say he went to the Nevada brothel almost out of boredom.
He doesn't recall taking many drugs or doing anything particularly outlandish. But...
"When I woke up four days later, I was trying to pull the tubes out of my mouth."
Despite all he had put her through, Khloe was by his hospital bedside when Lamar awoke.
"She played a major role in me getting my memory back. She would bring pictures of my mother and my grandmother.
"I kept thinking, 'Am I paralyzed forever? Am I mute forever?' It was scary shit. Faith got me through."
Odom says he hasn't been "intimate" with Kardashian in years and that he felt "blessed" just to be near her as he recovered; he wasn't trying to rekindle any flame.
Why did he finally enter rehab this year?
Because his daughter basically said he had to do so... or else she'd stop talking to him.
"Living sober, meaning no drugs, is a great feeling," Lamar says now, swearing that he's clean and concluding:
"Being in the moment is important - how you react, respond, create. If I would have done coke last night, you would have gotten some dickhead here trying to get out of here fast.
"But you’re getting Lamar now."
For more of Odom's exclusive interview with Us Weekly, pick up the new issue. It's on newsstands now.