While many of her contemporaries have starred in homemade skin flicks, Britney Spears managed to avoid the sex tape craze of the late '00s.
(Brit showed an awful lot of bare flesh when she shaved her head, but that was an art film, not a porn, thankyouverymuch.)
These days, Britney has a lucrative Vegas residency keeping her at home, and she's living a life of (relatively) quiet domestic contentment.
Her sons Sean Preston and Jayden James are 11 and 10 (!) and their mom, who turned 35 in December, largely keeps things on the DL.
Thanks to the Internet, however, our wild days aren't nearly as far behind us as we'd like to think. And the pop princess had some WILD days.
According to celebrity gossip site Radar Online, a Britney Spears sex tape is currently being shopped around by an anonymous seller.
This long-awaited footage, which Radar claims to have viewed and decided not to publish, reportedly shows Britney Spears fully nude.
And smoking a joint and "gyrating on top of a secret lover."
Smoking a joint while having sex? Really?
We're assuming this is bogus, but then again, at the height of her "f--k you, dad and Disney!" phase, it wouldn't have been that outlandish.
Not surprisingly, the website's sources say Spears “is horrified this is happening to her after everything that she’s been through.”
“She’s totally mortified and not coping well at all,” adds one insider, noting that the pop icon's reputation is actually a big concern to her.
Though her legacy seems pretty well cemented at this point, Britney reportedly fears that the emergence of a sex tape could undo it.
Will this undo all that she's worked for?
“Every time she thinks she’s finally put the past to bed, something comes back to haunt her," the Spears insider tells Radar.
"A seedy sex tape is more than she can handle right now.”
We like to picture a harried Brit setting down a bag of groceries, instructing her kids to wash up for dinner, then looking at her phone and being all like:
"Dammit, not a seedy sex tape! Not today!"
But in all seriousness, we can imagine her frustration, given the time that's passed since she went off the rails and recovered so well.
Britney is currently dating Sam Ashgari, and friends say she feels she's finally found the contentment and stability she sought for so long.
Excuse the pun, but since her teen years, life has been Chaotic.
So much so, that last month, a god-awful Lifetime biopic Britney Ever After was released, chronicling her infamous dark period.
The film even claimed the singer made a sex tape at the height of her fame, but like a Twitter-addicted president, no one took it seriously.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day though. Just saying.
The fact that the dumbest biopic ever hacked up might soon be proven factually accurate could be the worst part of this whole thing.
Just kidding, the worst part is the galling and terrifying invasion of privacy that stars like Britney are constantly besieged by.
Never change, Hollywood bottom-feeders! Stay true.
As for the "secret lover" who co-stars in the alleged sex tape? Not judging, but there were a lot of potential candidates back in the day.
Check out the above gallery and take your best guess!