Lala Kent's departure from Vanderpump Rules has felt more than a little anti-climactic.
Lala quit the show back in August, while season five was still filming and thus far, the show hasn't addressed her absence in any concrete way.
We're told she'll come back for a final send-off, but at this point, viewers (and the show's storylines) have already moved on.
Anyway, there are many theories as to why Lala left the series so abruptly, but most of them have to do with her mystery boyfriend.
Lala is allegedly dating an older, married sugar daddy type (social media seems convinced that it's Hollywood producer Randall Emmett, but that has yet to be confirmed), and she's made no secret of the fact that she was not happy with inquiries into her love life from co-stars and fans.
(Pro tip: If you want to keep your relationship a secret, don't go on a reality show that's almost entirely focused on the personal lives of its cast.)
Now that Lala is no longer on the show, she's probably washed her hands of the of the castmates who either pretended to like her (Tom Sandoval and Ariana) or openly despised her (everyone else), right?
Wrong-o! She's still throwing shade, but now she's doing it on a podcast hosted by Sammi Giancola from Jersey Shore, which sounds like a joke about life on the Z-list but is instead something that actually happened.
Naturally, Lala opened up about her feelings on Stassi and company, telling Giancola that the other girls on the show retroactively used her bullying of Katie as an excuse to be mean:
“I feel like this season they tried to make it look like they were coming at me because of the way I spoke to Katie, but they were mean to me last season the second I walked into SUR,” Lala says.
“So it’s not adding up, what they’re saying. I’ve apologized a million and one times.”
She goes on to say that she wants nothing to do with their clique, which is only something you say when you very badly want to be part of someone's clique:
“I don’t wanna be a part of their clique,” she says.
“You have to know that in L.A., yeah it’s cool to be a part of the show – whatever – but, out here, if I were really rolling around with those girls, like in real life no cameras around – it’s such a bad look.”
“They think they’re Kardashians! The way that they talk and the way they act, you would think we’re the biggest reality television cast in all of history."
As for that infamous non-disclosure agreement that Lala rather sketchily asked her friends to sign, she claims it had nothing to do with her alleged relationship with Emmett, and everything to do with James Kennedy's sketchiness:
“James wasn’t even at [the music festival] with me,” Lala clarifies.
“He was given a NDA because he sometimes likes to film me while I’m stoned, or whatever it may be, and I would like to know what’s being put on the internet, because we all know that he doesn’t have a filter. Tom and Ariana really did go to [music festival] with me and they were never given any agreement.”
Speaking of James, Lala has apparently seen the light, as she says she and DJ Slytherin are no longer friends:
“I’ve chosen to remove myself,” she says. “James will always be James. I slowly started seeing why people don’t connect with him and why he rubs people the wrong way."
"But if his girlfriend wants to be one of those brainless people, then that’s her prerogative; if she wants to turn the other cheek, then you go girl. Whatever you want to believe.”
That's a bit like listening to people who are just now realizing that they shouldn't have voted for a cartoon rich guy from the '80s to be president, but hey, at least it's a step in the right direction.