Kendra Wilkinson can't stop - won't stop! - bringing up her former Playboy glory days.
Things are really starting to get uncomfortable in here, so sit back, sip your tea, and enjoy.
Wilkinson sat down with E! News and discussed - c'mon, what else - the Playboy days of old, as well as its founding father, Hugh Hefner.
Asked about the state of her relationship with Hef - and those pesky rumors that the nude mogul is on his deathbed - Kendra opened her big, fat trap.
The mother of two and wife of Hank Baskett said:
"Hef and I talked and saw each other actually a couple weeks ago ... I can't say [how his health is]. I'm not a medical person or any of that stuff."
She's obviously not a master of the English language, either, but we digress. No one's counting on K-Dubs for oratorical mastery.
So how's the 91-year-old doing, according to her?
"Honestly, he was there and we had a great talk and we were very happy to see each other."
"You know, and there were rumors that things are happening, but God, he's 91 years old!" she exclaimed.
"He's gonna live longer than us!"
The conversation turned graver, then, as Kendra pondered the inevitable demise of an American icon:
"I worry every day, you know."
"He's at that age, and I'm not gonna lie: every day I open up my social media, I pray that I don't see what we think might happen."
"He is honestly my family," she concluded, which is just ... weird. What kinda family do you have, Kendra?
She also went on to relive her days in the Playboy Mansion, and claimed that the first time she met Hef in person, she was naked.
Feel that? It's forthcoming class oozing out of every one of Wilkinson's orifices. Gross, right?
"I was wearing ... nothing," she said, about the party she attended.
"I was wearing a couple rhinestones; it was the craziest thing."
"They had to glue these things one by one onto my body."
Ha, family, right?
Later, at the party, she said that she didn't do much beyond stare at Hef the entire night.
(Friends, that's called 'obsession,' and it's weird.)
"I actually was just staring at Hef the whole time," she revealed.
"Just, like, wondering about him."
"For some reason," she continued, "he just gave me this feeling of comfort."
She later asserted that Hugh told her she was one of the most beautiful women he's ever seen.
Judging by his career, that could be a stretch, as Hefner's been involved with a lot of beautiful women.
But hey - who are we to judge?
There's only one
God Hef, and Kendra's apparently very heavily invested.