Jamie Otis has spoken out again about the pain she experienced in July when she lost her son to a miscarriage, four months into her pregnancy.
The Married at First Sight star and husband Doug Hehner endured the worst sort of loss this summer, writing at the time that "there are no words to express the pain and sorrow associated with losing our baby."
We truly cannot imagine.
Even now, a few months after this tragedy, Otis cannot stop thinking or talking about her late child.
“October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I can’t sleep well tonight so I blogged about my sweet boy, Johnathan Edward,” Otis wrote in the Instagram caption alongside a black-and-white photo of herself and Hehner in the hospital with their tiny boy. "
"I realize there is a great stigma associated with sharing photos of your baby who was born too early and has already gone to heaven so I want to say sorry if this offends you.
"However, if there’s one thing my husband has taught me it’s this: ‘Don’t live life trying NOT to offend anyone and trying to please everyone.'"
Concluded the former reality star:
"I hope by me sharing my sweet boy, Johnny (as Doug and I call him), you'll realize that he's a harmless, helpless baby who deserves to be remembered, not hidden away because his image may offend someone.
"And if you've lost your baby early, please know that you're not alone. Unfortunately, 1 in 4 women are affected by this. Yet, no one talks about it. I hope this can change. I'll be the first in my circle. You be the first in yours.
"My prayers go out to everyone who has lost their sweet baby too early."
Soon after this terrible loss, Otis wrote a message to little Johnny.
“Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up thinking of you, Baby Hehner,” she wrote in mid-July, adding:
“I know I have to get back to ‘normal life’ but I just don’t know how to. Today daddy and I are going to pick out a perfect name for you. We love you so much.
"I hope you’re bouncing on clouds and feeling loved all the way up in heaven. #ourangel #LoveYou #angelbaby."
Regarding this latest photo, Otis told Entertainment Tonight that her hope is to spread awareness of something that happens often... yet is rarely talked about.
"I’ve realized that there are SO many women who have experienced a similar loss and feel so isolated from it,” she told that program.
“It wasn’t until I blogged [that I realized that] so many women feel the same way as me. It’s taboo to share photos and talk about miscarriage.
"I really want to desensitize this topic. I want to show [other women who have miscarried] that they aren’t alone, and I want to give them a space where they can share their sweet baby who was taken from the world too early.
"I hope by me sharing my story and my son, Johnny, it helps women who have gone through similar circumstances or who are going through a loss now."
"Since we lost our son I’ve felt so alone and sad. It’s been one of the worst experiences in my life. My biggest fear is that my sweet little baby will just be forgotten and it will be like he never even existed.
"I wanted to share Johnny so as he looks down from Heaven he’ll know how loved, cherished, and important he still is to his mommy and daddy."
Johnny was 17 weeks and one day old when he died.
May he rest in peace.