Wholesome, crunchy, jackass Gwyneth Paltrow has some advice for her ex-boyfriend and his estranged wife—a behemoth you know as Brangelina.
If you're curious as to whether she's crapping unicorn-blessed gems of wisdom about "conscious uncoupling," then you just won the prize.
What prize, you ask?
A balloon filled with pompous arrogance, cliché sentiments, over-tweezed eyebrows, and lots and lots of sharp white teeth.
Congratulations or whatever.
According to Radar Online, Gwynnie reached out to Pitt in an effort to help him through his divorce. The source said, "She's egotistical enough to think that he'll want her advice about consciously uncoupling from Angelina."
The best part, perhaps, is where Paltrow offered to be a mediator between the feuding duo. We're not laughing, you are.
(Okay, we're laughing too, it's all right.)
The source revealed, "That's the last thing Brad's thinking about right now, of course. But Gwyneth is convinced she can help and has even offered to act as an unofficial mediator for him and Angie."
Brad and Gwyneth dated for a few years after meeting on the set of Seven, but things apparently weren't meant to be, as both of them ended up with other folks that they weren't meant to be with, either.
In a 2014 interview, Gwyn said that Brad was too good for her. She was probably right.
She told Howard Stern that her head was firmly up her ass till she was 40. We kindly beg to differ.
Paltrow said, "I was such a kid; I was 22 when [Brad and I] met. It's taken me until 40 to get my head out of my ass. You can't make [the decision to commit] when you're 22 years old. I wasn't ready, and he was too good for me."
"I didn't know what I was doing," she reflected. Truth bomb? She still doesn't.
Dare we say that Paltrow's probably pretty steamed that she can't be in the mix of every A-list newsworthy item?
We'd bet some gem-crapping unicorns on that idea, friends.
Get over yourself, Gwyn. Heaven knows everyone else is, and frankly, the folks in your life—and outside of it—can fully cope without your