Gwyneth Paltrow to Brad Pitt: We Will Get Through This!

by at .

Wholesome, crunchy, jackass Gwyneth Paltrow has some advice for her ex-boyfriend and his estranged wife—a behemoth you know as Brangelina.

If you're curious as to whether she's crapping unicorn-blessed gems of wisdom about "conscious uncoupling," then you just won the prize.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

What prize, you ask?

A balloon filled with pompous arrogance, cliché sentiments, over-tweezed eyebrows, and lots and lots of sharp white teeth.

Congratulations or whatever. 

Gwyneth Paltrow No Makeup Instagram Selfie

According to Radar Online, Gwynnie reached out to Pitt in an effort to help him through his divorce. The source said, "She's egotistical enough to think that he'll want her advice about consciously uncoupling from Angelina."

The best part, perhaps, is where Paltrow offered to be a mediator between the feuding duo. We're not laughing, you are.

(Okay, we're laughing too, it's all right.)

The source revealed, "That's the last thing Brad's thinking about right now, of course. But Gwyneth is convinced she can help and has even offered to act as an unofficial mediator for him and Angie."  

Brangelina, Pre-Divorce

Brad and Gwyneth dated for a few years after meeting on the set of Seven, but things apparently weren't meant to be, as both of them ended up with other folks that they weren't meant to be with, either.

In a 2014 interview, Gwyn said that Brad was too good for her. She was probably right.

She told Howard Stern that her head was firmly up her ass till she was 40. We kindly beg to differ.

Paltrow said, "I was such a kid; I was 22 when [Brad and I] met. It's taken me until 40 to get my head out of my ass. You can't make [the decision to commit] when you're 22 years old. I wasn't ready, and he was too good for me."

"I didn't know what I was doing," she reflected. Truth bomb? She still doesn't.


Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow dating photo

Dare we say that Paltrow's probably pretty steamed that she can't be in the mix of every A-list newsworthy item?

We'd bet some gem-crapping unicorns on that idea, friends. 

Angry Gwyneth

Get over yourself, Gwyn. Heaven knows everyone else is, and frankly, the folks in your life—and outside of it—can fully cope without your help interference. 

Show Comments
Tags: , , , ,

Brad Pitt Biography

Us Weekly Honor
Brad Pitt might just be the best looking man on the planet. He's also a very talented actor and seems to be a legitimate humanitarian.... More »
Shawnee, Oklahoma
Full Name
William Bradley Pitt

Brad Pitt Quotes

I'm impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can't get me. You cannot break me down.

Brad Pitt

Our seven-year-old was searching the word 'weapons' on Google the other day and ended up on some white-supremacist site. I'm sure now we're on all kinds of watch lists.

Brad Pitt