Hey, look, everybody, it's a really positive, happy story about Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra from Teen Mom OG!
... Nah, just kidding, it's terrible and tragic and awful.
Seriously, don't even bother ever expecting anything nice from these people. You'll only end up disappointed.
So Catelynn and Tyler are Teen Mom's longest-lasting couple by far -- they've been together since they were 12 years old.
Surely one of the reasons their relationship has lasted so long is because when Catelynn wound up pregnant when they were 16, they placed their daughter, Carly, up for adoption.
Welcoming a new baby is hard for adults, but try to give a newborn to a couple of teenagers?
No wonder they're literally the only couple to be 16 & Pregnant & Still Together.
But obviously placing Carly for adoption didn't automatically free Catelynn and Tyler from any drama. Far from it.
Carly's adoptive parents, Brandon and Theresa, have always been very kind and accommodating to Catelynn and Tyler, but they've also always been very hesitant to allow their daughter, or even their daughter's face, to be shown on television.
Tyler in particular has had a hard time dealing with this.
In an episode earlier this season, they received news that Brandon and Theresa didn't want them to talk about Carly so much on the show, and Tyler absolutely flipped out.
"It just doesn't make any sense to me to be told what to say and what not to say," he said.
"I don't want to live my life like that! I can't!"
"If they say 'We don't want you talking about the adoption at all on TV,' ohohoho, then we're going to have lots of issues," he exclaimed. "That's all I'm saying."
Tyler even said that he'd continue talking about Carly even at the risk of Brandon and Theresa cutting off contact between them.
"My reasoning," he explained, "is because I have sacrificed enough for you to have a family and that's fine. I've come to terns with that and all that's great."
"But I will not sacrifice my voice and what I think and what I can and cannot talk about on my daily life and my personal life -- cameras or no cameras."
All this is a real good example of learning how to choose your battles -- is it really more important for Tyler to talk about Carly on TV than it is to talk to her? -- and that's being proven in this brand new sneak peek for next week's episode.
In the clip, Catelynn and Tyler meet with their adoption counselor to talk about how Brandon and Theresa haven't been responding to their texts.
The counselor said that she'd been in touch with Theresa, and she felt it was important to go over the paperwork they'd signed for the adoption.
She said that they'd all agreed on an open adoption, and that Catelynn and Tyler had indicated that they didn't want to have any face-to-face visits, but that there was an option for them to request a meeting with Carly at her parents' discretion.
Catelynn started breaking down at this point, asking "Are we done having visits with Carly forever? Until se's 18 I'll hear nothing from her?"
"It is f-cking frustrating," she said through tears, "because I was 16 years old when I made this decision."
It sounds like a tough position to be in, but honestly it also sounds like a decision they've put themselves in.
Hopefully they're able to work things out with Brandon and Theresa soon ... we sincerely just cannot take more Catelynn and Tyler sadness.