Angelina Jolie Memoir to Reveal Sordid Sex and Drug Tales?

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It's all happening. 

Angelina Jolie is allegedly penning a tell-all memoir about her life with Brad Pitt, reportedly calling it a "nightmare" ... among other things. 

Angelina Jolie Evil GIF

Radar Online reported that Angelina's already holed up in her mansion, sans Brad Pitt, and plotting her next PR move. 

The insider claimed that Jolie is furious over the way "she's being painted as wicked witch" in the divorce. 

Except for how, you know, she's not being painted as anything but regular, ol' St. Angelina, with Pitt taking all of the heat for the demise of their marriage. 

Pathetic. 

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, In Better Times

The source revealed, "All she's done is try and protect the kids."

"She feels she's been made out to be the bad guy in this whole thing," the insider continued.

"It's not right."  

About the memoir - which absolutely sounds forthcoming - the source said, "You can be sure that she will come out like roses in the memoir, while [Pitt's] drinking, smoking, and clashes with the kids will be addressed in a very unflattering way." 

And on that topic, we're positive the insider is right if, indeed, Jolie is penning that book.  

She's been a PR nightmare for Pitt ever since news of the divorce broke, so why not make money off of it, too? 

Stick with what you're good at and all that. 

Brangelina, Pre-Divorce

Another source told Radar that Jolie is poised to make 5 million dollars off a memoir, should she decide to pursue it. 

The insider claims that the book will be rife with upsetting incidents, including "shocking sexual threesomes" during their "ugly" marriage. 

The book will absolutely destroy Brad's character, which would likely be its intent. 

Radar's insider said, "[Pitt's] insecurities were also becoming an issue."

"[He is] a very insecure guy, who was constantly paranoid about her cheating, and used weed and booze as a crutch for his self-esteem."

Somehow, we doubt that.

No Great War

The book would also go after Pitt's A-list friends, apparently. 

"Brad's pot-smoking buddies have also been a problem as they encourage him to misbehave all the time," it was revealed. 

"She's tried to lure him away from his bad circle of friends, which included George [Clooney], Jonah [Hill], and even Quentin [Tarantino]." 

Yeah, bad dudes. Totally the baddest of dudes. 

Brad Pitt and George Clooney Friends Photo

Welp, dunno about y'all, but this whole entire thing sounds pretty terrible. 

And that just about sums things up. 

Angelina Jolie is an evil beast of a woman.  

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Angelina Jolie Biography

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Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Angelina Jolie Voight

Angelina Jolie Quotes

I'm very happy. Unlike most women, I love being pregnant... You just feel like everything about your body is there for your baby.

Angelina Jolie

Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already.

Angelina Jolie [after being asked if she's having twins]