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In the future, finding out that Drake banged your girl will be a rite of passage for young men, like a slightly more traumatic bar mitzvah.

But in 2016, the pain of finding out your lady friend hooked up with Toronto’s realest G is unique to Lil Wayne (and probably a few thousand other dudes).

In March of 2010, Weezy got locked up on gun charges.

He received street cred points for not snitching in exchange for a lighter sentence, but the added badass points came at a hefty price.

The rapper spent eight months in Rikers, and received a form of cruel and unusual punishment outlawed by the Geneva Convention:

Finding out that Aubrey Drake Graham did the nasty with the woman you love.

In his forthcoming memoir about his prison days, Wayne opens up about the day he learned Drake banged his girlfriend:

“I woke up still feeling f–ked up about the f–ked-up day that I had.

“Hell is what it was! I’m used to arguing with my girl on a daily basis…but finding out that she f–ked Drake was the absolute worst thing I could’ve found out.”

Wayne says he found out about the tryst from a third party, but Drake confirmed the news during a jailhouse visit:

“When Drizzy came to see me, he was like, ‘Yeah, it’s true…Don’t f–k with her like that ’cause I did f–k her.’ Damn! At that point, it didn’t matter to me when it f–king happened…because the f–king happen.”

Pretty messed up, especially since Wayne gave Drizzy’s career a needed boost when the Canadian emcee was just starting out in hip hop.

Or at least it would be messed up … were it not for the fact that Drake hooked up with the woman in question before Wayne even met her:

“As a man, honestly, that s–t hurt…and not because it was Drake,” quoth Weezy.

“It could’ve been any man and it would’ve hurt the same. She said it happened way before we got together, but she just never told me.”

Wait … what?!

So it didn’t even happen when they were together?

Lil Wayne in Queens
Photo via Maria Fitzsimons/

It wasn’t even the fact that she slept with his friend that upset Wayne?

Weezy would’ve been pissed if she slept with anyone before they got together?!

We guess the takeaway from all this is that Lil Wayne is kind of a sh–ty, judgmental boyfriend.

On a related note, the woman at the center of all this, Tammy Torres, has promised to reveal the “real story” if and when Wayne releases his memoir.

Tammy Torres Talks Sex With Drake & Lil Wayne

Now that the publication date is drawing near, we guess we’ll finally find out if Wayne is “lil” in all departments.

Yes, when someone promises the “real story,” we assume they’re talking about dong size.

We’re mature like that.

Wayne concludes his tale of woe with the following words of wisdom:

“As a man I’ll admit that s–t really f–ked me up, but hey, f–k that ho! Love is blind, that’s why I say make sure that bitch is a seeing-eye dog.”

He added:

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art far more wack and triflin’.”

“To hook up with Drake, or not to hook up with Drake, that is the question only trick ass hoes ask themselves!”

Okay, we may have made that last part up.