Two Middleton babies are on the way!
One will be royal, the other will be a common plebe.
OK! Magazine wins this month's "Weirdest Tabloid Cover Story," and it's only September 1st.
"Princess Kate & Pippa: We're Both Pregnant!" The headline declares.
"One's having a boy, one's having a girl!
"Kate Will Be 8 Months Along At Pippa's Wedding."
Pippa only got engaged to financier James Matthew on July 19th, so being an unwed mother is quite the scandal.
“The news is twice as nice for the Middleton family: Sources say that not only is Duchess Kate expecting — her little sister Pippa, is too!” a source allegedly told OK!.
“Just a few weeks back, Kate discovered that she’s expecting another little princess, and the buzz in Pippa’s circle is that’s pregnant, too — with a little boy."
The Duchess of Cambridge is mom to two children already - Prince George, 3, and Princess Charlotte, who turned 1 on May 4th.
And while Catherine and William are said to want a big family, there has been no official word from the palace on whether she is expecting.
In other words, she's not.
32-year-old Pippa is, of course, aware of the stigma attached to her situation.
The source helpfully pointed out that she'll "now have to endure whispers about whether hers is a shotgun wedding," which would mortify her mother, Carole.
I'm making that up. Carole looks to be a very modern broad and probably supports a woman's right to get knocked up by a multi-millionaire.
No matter! Pipps and Jim are in this to win this, having dated back in 2012, then getting back together this past fall, after she broke up with another fiancier, Nico Jackson.
Plus, if all the gossip gets Pippa down, James can whisk her off on his private jet to his family's hotel in St. Barts.
The source said that the couple is “totally in love, and they were going to get engaged whether she was pregnant or not.”
It doesn't take a super sleuth to figure out that this story is a hot pile of garbage, but it does make for great conversation by the water cool.
"Did you hear about the Duchess and her terribly promiscuous sister?" one will ask.
"Indeed," the other will answer.
"The unwed one is being brought to court to be publicly flogged. Must go, my horse and carriage is here."
To drive the point home, the only reliable source when it comes to royal pregnancies (not Middleton pregnancies), is Kensington Palace.
If royal aides confirm it, only then is it true.
Anything in the check-out aisle of your grocery store is just a tall tale.