Last week, rumors of a Katy Perry-Orlando Bloom romance were confirmed after the singer acknowledged that Bloom helped write her speech at the Democratic National Convention.
So now we know for certain that Perry and Bloom are an item.
But here's another way we now know that Perry and Bloom are dating:
A photo has surfaced of the actor sticking his penis pretty much in Perry's face.
Indeed, British tabloid The Daily Star has run an eye-catching cover picture of Bloom and Perry on a paddle board.
In the image, which has gone viral for understandable (read: NAKED) reasons, Perry is sitting and chilling, wearing a yellow and black bikini.
Bloom is behind his girlfriend, on his knees and in control of the water vehicle, oar in hand.
He's also donning nothing but his birthday suit.
“Brit star’s naked beach rump with Katy Perry,” reads the newspaper’s headline, adding via parenthetical:
(Whose latest single - out today - is called Rise!)
That's an erection joke, people.
Bloom and Perry made their relationship Instagram official back in May, but nothing screams "WE'RE DATING" like a paddle board romp.
Especially one in which one half of the couple is going full-on commando.
Is that why Bloom didn't wear any clothing for this adventure?
To confirm his feelings for Perry in the most scantily-clad way possible?
We have no idea. And Twitter users who have seen the photo are equally flummoxed.
“Why is Orlando Bloom going paddleboarding naked? Like why?" one has asked.
Another, meanwhile, doesn't care about Bloom's motivations. Only about the impressive unit that he's packing.
“Orlando Bloom could make world peace happen with this machine,” this person wrote, while another agreed, chiming in with:
“I’ll say it. Orlando Bloom has a massive penis."
Here's another theory:
In July of 2014, Bloom and Justin Bieber got into a reported fight after Bieber allegedly slept with Bloom's ex, Miranda Kerr.
How does this possibly relate, you're asking?
Well, as you can see in the photo gallery above, the douchey pop star is another celebrity who has been photographed naked.
As a result of that incident, his penis pretty much because the talk of many people on the Internet due to its girth.
Might Bloom be trying to show up his former rival?
With this blatantly nude excursion, is he trying to send a message to Justin that he's superior to him in every conceivable way?
Put even more bluntly and directly, might the actor be trying to say that anything Bieber can do, he can do better?
Err... bigger, as the nude case may be?
Again, we don't know. No one can say for certain.
We do know, however, that many women out there are devastated - nay, outraged - over the egregious censorship in this case.
We'll let the following critic speak for them all: