Farrah Abraham is a nightmare.
That may sound harsh, but those are actually her words, and they come from her recent interview with Theo Vonn, a.k.a. the gossip gift that keeps on giving.
For those who don't know, Vonn is the host of the Allegedly podcast, and his recent sit-down with Farrah has proven to be the motherlode that grizzled Teen Mom drama prospectors have been promising for years.
Saying Farrah said a lot of dumb stuff in an interview is like saying Trump acted somewhat less than presidential at a campaign event, but this one was really something special.
In fact, this is the one you may have heard about, in which Farrah calmly reassures fans that she's not addicted to plastic surgery anymore.
She went on to talk about her daughter Sophia's future porn career.
Sophia is 7 years old, by the way.
But believe it or not, there's more.
Yes, with Farrah, the stupid well never runs dry - a fact she proved with aplomb when asked about her dating preferences:
“I don’t have a dream guy,” she told Vonn.
“I’m always more attracted to white men. I’m not really into black guys – I think that’s more of a Kardashian thing.”
Look, obviously Farrah can date whoever she wants, and we all have our personal preferences for things we look for in romantic partners.
Moreover, we're sure other races aren't too upset by the fact that she'll be sticking with her own kind (by which we mean dumbasses, of course).
Still, her insistence on talking about her preference for white men all the time is weird and gross.
Also weird and gross, Farrah's claims that "celebrities" are constantly offering her money for sex.
Who these celebs are who want to pay money to bone Farrah, she's not saying, but she's not interested, okay?!
Well, for the most part she's not. We think.
“I’ve shunned a lot of that,” insists the 25-year-old reality star, “because I’ve always had boyfriends."
“It’s not like regular-degular sh-t. Sometimes I’m, like, f–king bored! I wrote an erotic trilogy."
"Of course I entertain sex, love, money – it all."
Farrah is definitely not a regular-degular person, no.
"Sometimes," Abraham adds, making us more uncomfortable by the minute, "I’m in the grocery store and I think of crazy-ass fantasies."
"That’s just part of me.”
Yes, we're sure it has everything to do with her "erotic trilogy" that no one read, and nothing to do with that best-selling Farrah Abraham porn.
Sorry, "leaked sex tape."
Anyway, after reminding us that the "majority" of men who offer her cash for sex are totes famous, Abraham confused us even more.
Farrah offered up this puzzling comment: “God bless me if I like shake it up a bit! ‘I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway!’"
"Sometimes I do that," she says, "but that’s just normal."
Farrah pretty much lost us a while ago, but she kept on spewing massive word salads as only the Teen Mom: OG star can.
"I know everyone does that," Abraham went on, "and sometimes you guys just don’t act upon it ... so I did for you!”
Uh ... so she is an escort who dabbles in businessmen?
We honestly don't know what else to say at this point but ... we're really hoping this interview will have a part two.