On the second episode of Teen Mom OG's new season, the incomparable Farrah Abraham got her a$$ booted out a Hamptons party.
Speaking of parties gone haywire, Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra marked their impending nuptials with crazy bachelor(ette) bashes ...
Where do even begin with Teen Mom Season 12 Episode 3? We have to start with Tyler at the strip club, due to the sheer absurdity.
When Tyler is sandwiched between topless women and his dad Butch wants oral from a stripper, this is not your typical installment.
Fortunately, despite voicing displeasure with the whole strip club scene, Catelynn met her fiance at the club, and received good news.
A stripper quickly assuaged any fears Cate had when she told Lowell: "You guys are, like, so perfect, and you have such a good man!"
Aww. Now that's true love we can believe in!
Over in Indiana, things weren't going as swimmingly for Gary Shirley, who was restricting daughter Leah's time with Amber Portwood.
"Her and Matt are both ex-addicts," Gary said of Amber's fiance Matt Baier. "How come she gets rewarded for making all these mistakes?"
Amber countered that Gary manipulates Leah and tries to pit her against her own mom. Clearly, this custody fight is very far from over.
One thing Maci Bookout would like to be over his her pre-engagement to Taylor McKinney. She wants a ring yesterday. Or last week.
"When are you gonna make me an honest woman?" Maci asked, again. "We've been together for three years, we have a child together."
"We own a house ... We can end it. Just end it."
Tell us how you really feel, Maci! It's not the first time she's said this, either. Taylor's response? [Crickets.] Tell us how you really feel.
But he does have some sort of plan ... we think.
"I think I'm gonna propose right at the end of this season, so I can get another season," McKinney said, spoken like a true MTV pro.
In all seriousness, he added, "I'm not going anywhere, just tryin' to figure out the right way to do it ... I'm gonna come in on a unicorn."
Too bad. That would be ratings gold!
Finally, there was Farrah Abraham, Teen Mom OG's most controversial star who lives up to that reputation in new ways every week.
If you watch Teen Mom online, or read any celebrity gossip, you knew this long before the events of last night's Hamptons White Party.
Told she wasn't "upscale" enough for the guest list, she was given the boot from the event ... and promptly lashed out about the rejection.
"I don't understand people treating me like this because of my association with Teen Mom," she said, adding with so much self awareness:
"People perceive me as trashy, low-class, whatever ... because of Teen Mom and other Teen Moms.” Yes, we're sure that's it Farrah.
When her mom, Debra, pointed out that the hard core Farrah Abraham sex tape may have something to do with her image perception?
"Mom, Kim Kardashian has a video," Farrah said, "You wanna keep talking about a tape. It's because I'm part of the Teen Mom cast."
"The Teen Mom s--t just is so embarrassing to me. For me not to go to The Hamptons. I deserve to be there. Hell, I live that life."
"I keep it classy. I keep it top-notch."
We got nothing. Naturally, Farrah decided to CRASH the event to prove her point, declaring, "I'll probably just be, like, the star at the party."
"I'm just gonna show them that they need to grow up, and they shouldn't run White Parties if they don't know how to be upscale and classy."
After Farrah was rejected, shockingly, Debra informed her that "God will handle them," and that no haters can keep Abraham down!
In the quote of the year so far, she responded in iconic fashion: "I'm happy I'm, like, so damn fabulous that no one knows what to do."