Florida Man Has Sex with Tree, Attacks Cop with Own Badge While High on Flakka

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Kenneth Crowder, a Florida man allegedly high on the street drug Flakka, has been arrested for having sex with a tree and attacking a cop with the officer's own badge.

Kenneth Crowder

Ken here is not the first Florida Man high on Flakka we've seen this month. This hot new drug is reportedly so potent and insane, no one even knows what's in it!

NBC News describes this narcotic as being “more potent and more addictive than its synthetic predecessors,” even Miami Zombie-creating bath salts.

Whatever the heck it is, Flakka was behind the alleged spree by Crowder.

The Melbourne, Fla., man decided to run naked through a neighborhood yelling that he was a god, and eventually “committed a sexual act on a tree.”

According to Orlando’s WKMG 6 News, a Melbourne police officer went to the area and confronted Crowder, who was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt.

Kenneth "walked toward the officer in an aggressive manner" and identified himself as God, or a god, according to police, who quickly used a Taser on him.

It didn't work. (Modern weaponry is no match for supernatural powers.)

Crowder just pulled the probes out of his body and kept fighting, then did the same after being tased a second time, coming at the cops with his fists.

After an officer punched Crowder in the face, a melee ensued and the 41-year-old insisted he was Thor, then tried to stab the officer with the cop’s badge.

Eventually, he was arrested, hence the mug shot above, but wow. Just wow.

In addition to this depravity, Flakka is also believed to be responsible for incidents such as a impaling himself on a spiked fence outside of a police station.

Don't do drugs, kids. Or buy golden tickets to heaven from people who do.

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