The Hollywood Film Awards were held last night, and if you've never heard of the event, don't worry - neither has anyone else.
It was the first time the awards were televised. A-listers from Ben Affleck to producer James L. Brooks publicly dismissed the HFAs as a joke.
But the best indicator of just how seriously Hollywood takes the Hollywood Film Awards was Johnny Depp's BAC, which apparently peaked right around the time he took the stage:
Yes, it seems Depp employed the Captain Jack Sparrow method for coping with pre-show jitters and downed a barrel of rum backstage.
Hey, Johnny might be in his 50s, but he's engaged to Amber Heard, who's only 28. Maybe he figures if she's not gonna take full advantage of her youth, then he'll party hard enough for both of them.
The sight of Depp slurring and stumbling his way through what should have been a 30 second speech makes us nostalgic for the days of his booze-and-coke-fueled relationship with Kate Moss. Ah, memories.
In case you can't tell, Johnny is presenting an award to Shep Gordon - subject of the new documentary Supermensch - because apparently the HFAs are the sort of show that honors people for being the subject of a documentary. (And for showing up.)
Sounds like the kind of night that requires a drink or 12 in order to make it tolerable. Hunter S. Thompson would approve.