Today is George R.R. Martin's 66th birthday, and he certainly has a lot to celebrate.
He's one of the world's best-selling authors, there's a wildly successful television series based on his work, and he makes life miserable for millions of people on a regular basis.
Yes, if you're one of the 18 million people who watched Game of Thrones last season, you might hate GRRM even though you've never actually read his work.
And we're right there with you. On countless occasions, Martin has ripped our hearts out and cast them aside like Theon Greyjoy's severed wang:
But like a handlebar mustache on a hipster's lip, our hate is thoroughly ironic.
We hate George because we so deeply love the world that he's created with his A Song of Ice and Fire books that the death of even a minor character can feel like a real-life tragedy.
Based on his interviews, we know that Martin loves nothing more than shocking Game of Thrones fans with moments like Ned Stark's beheading or Oberyn Martell's eye-popping demise (retroactive spoiler alert if you're behind on the story).
So for his 66th name day, we can't think of a better present than to tell George that we truly love his ability to make us hate him.
So relax and enjoy some meat and mead, Mr. Martin. Then hurry up and finish the damn books.