Former Teen Mom star Amber Portwood pulls no punches in her new tell-all book, revealing a life riddled with drugs, suicide attempts and even sex addiction.
Never Too Late is Amber's story of crashing and burning, hitting rock bottom and crawling back up again, documenting the highs and lows along the way.
Deeply depressed, Portwood says she first tried suicide at age 11.
“No one was home when I did it," she writes. "I just took a cord into the bathroom and hung it on the fan in the ceiling, and I looped it around my neck.”
She went through with it, too, but it didn't take. She survived, obviously, but Amber says all she remembers at that point is waking up on the floor.
“I don’t know how long I was out,” the 24-year-old star wrote.
“But the fan had only been held up in the ceiling with one screw in the middle, and the weight pulled the fan so it stripped the screw and fell to the floor."
"I didn’t try again ... I just kind of chalked it up to a failure.”
Portwood would go on to attempt suicide several other times, including a 2011 incident that also involved rope around her neck. She was also heavily into drugs.
“Adderall was the first pill I ever took,” she explained, but it was far from the last. "Adderall wouldn’t be the last pill I’d swallow. Not by a long shot."
"What I didn’t realize yet was that there were a lot of different kinds of drugs out there to take, and [I would find] something I actually did like,” she wrote.
The moment Amber Portwood learned she was pregnant, she says she stopped abusing pills, but six months after Leah’s birth she started back up.
“We would end up losing ourselves in the money and the weird kind of fame we had landed in,” Portwood said of herself and baby daddy Gary Shirley.
“I hadn’t messed with pills since I found out I was pregnant with Leah," she recalls, "and for six months after she was born, I stayed sober completely."
"But I was already reaching my limit with unhappiness and stress, and I was almost begging for something to come along and offer me a way to escape."
“Klonopin was the obvious step for somebody suffering that much anxiety. But I started eating them all up, and that was the beginning of becoming an addict.”
“I was doing whatever I wanted, and I didn’t do anything in moderation. It was always extreme when it came to partying and sex," Portwood continues.
"When it really got down to it, my life was nothing but pills and men… Looking back I think it’s obvious I had a bad sex addiction along with the pill addiction.”
While Portwood says she struggles with her sobriety on a daily basis, she has a dream of helping other young people in similar situations as her own.
“I want to open the kind of facility I started to visualize when I was in prison," she says of the place she spent 17 months after bailing on drug court.
"A place where people can get the kind of intense blend of education, discipline, and community support that will help them find the strength they have inside."
“Just a couple short years ago, I thought there was no hope for me. I was wrong. There’s never a good reason to give up. There’s always a way to turn things around."
We wish Amber, who will be back on MTV in Teen Mom Season 5 next year, only the best in her continued efforts to do stay on the right path in life.