Ellen DeGeneres Mocks Late Night Monologue, Will Not Replace David Letterman

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You can take her name out of the running now, folks.

With David Letterman announcing his retirement this week, chatter quickly turned to the potential replacements for the CBS legend.

Would Ellen DeGeneres consider the gig?

Thanks but no thanks, the daytime star said yesterday, saying she's very happy with her current job and then hilariously showing how nighttime talk show monologues are very different from the types in which she specializes.

To prove as much, Ellen emerged from a curtain and rattled off a few political jokes, the sort Leno, Letterman, Conan and others have made a living off of for years.

"The White House announced that 7 million people have signed up for coverage under Obamacare," Ellen cracked. "Although if they really wanna cover people, they should make hospital gowns that close in the back."

Cue canned laughter!

Watch Ellen skewer these kinds of lame, predictable jokes now:

All jokes aside, DeGeneres said she will miss the iconic CBS comedian.

"I would like to say, David Letterman, you are an incredibly brilliant and clever man. I've always been a fan I loved watching you," she said. You've made us happy for over 30 years. So what better song to dedicate to you than Pharrell Williams' "'Happy?'"

She then danced her way into the audience, something we doubt Ellen would be allowed to do late at night. She rules.

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Ellen DeGeneres Biography

Jason and Molly on Ellen
Ellen DeGeneres was a great host of the Oscars and an often funny woman. She entertains us. She was one of the very first stars to come... More »
Full Name
Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.

Ellen DeGeneres

You showed us something in that film that I have not seen for a very, very long time.

Ellen DeGeneres [to Jonah Hill, regarding his penis in The Wolf of Wall Street]