According to a woman who knows him very well, Bruce Jenner is not getting a sex change.
Yes, rumors of this procedure have actually sprung up around the Internet, thanks to a National Enquirer story that says Bruce got his Adam's Apple shaved down on January 19 and then asked about "having his penis removed next."
Should readers be buying this story? Or treating it like claims that OJ Simpson is Khloe Kardashian's real dad?
The latter, Kris Jenner told Entertainment Tonight on Wednesday, saying "99 percent of the stuff in the media, in the tabloids, is made up.”
So, wait... Kim Kardashian isn't under the control of Kanye West? And she isn't pregnant again? And Scott Disick isn't a partying douchebag who hits on girls in Las Vegas?
Okay, that last one may be part of the one percent.
“The bottom line is we sell magazines," Jenner concluded, not complaining about her family's role in this world of fake journalism, but simply acknowledging why many publications conjure up tales about her loved ones.
Still, just in case, we're gonna keep a close eye on Bruce Jenner's penis.
That may have come out wrong.