Fist-pump. Pushups. Chapstick.
We were wondering how Jersey Shore would follow up the most recent episode, in which a wall KO’d The Situation, and well, there you have it.
While not exactly as catchy as GTL, FPC does have a ring to it. Luckily, there were more fist-pumps than actual fists thrown this week, as well.
As always, we recapped all the top Jersey Shore quotes and moments for you. Let’s break down last night’s gripping installment, THG +/- style!
Mike throws a pity party for himself. Only he attends. Minus 5.
Ronnie, of all people, decided to have a one-on-one with Mike, letting him know that he was there for him and that he could open up to him. Sniff. Plus 9.
Snooki argues with Jionni, who doesn’t like to hear risque stuff or about her drinking. This from a man who is willingly dating EFFING SNOOKI. Minus 17.
Mr. Therapist Ron tells her to just be herself and that she can’t change for a guy. He should talk, but Plus 6 because he’s still right and being hella nice.
“I think right now me and Ron are together. Granted it’s just tonight. Who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, but considering he did speak differently tonight.” So even Sammi doesn’t know if they’re together anymore. Nice. Plus 5.
“I’m done” should be Sammi’s epitaph in 50-60 years. Get it?! Plus 8.
Some chick spills a drink on Deena, who Snooki tries to defend, but then ends up fighting herself. These two? High on spunk, low on I.Q. points. Wash.
Priest: “Can you cover your body please in front of church?” Snooki: “He basically called me a whore! At my church, they’d be, ‘Nice outfit.’ God likes my [boobs]. God made my [boobs]!” JWoww: “God didn’t make mine.” Plus 10.
Deena gave Pauly D a giant ass fauxhawk. Plus 7 for that visual.
The best moment of the night, and probably the season, came when Pauly D and Vinny channeled their inner “ultimate guidos” and and shared with us the infinite wisdom of F-P-C. Fist-pump. Push-ups. Chapstick. Plus 20.
Plus 5 more because of how convincing Pauly looks in that getup.
Snooki confronted The Situation but got nowhere. “It’s like talking to a wall with Mike,” she says. Ouch, too soon, but good one, probably unknowingly! Plus 5.
“He comes over at 4 a.m. He must really like Deena.” Sammi said this about Deena’s waiter booty call Ellis, and frighteningly, appeared to be serious. Minus 7.
Deena finds a questionable mark on his neck, which he tries to pass off as being from his sister. Plus 2 for originality, but Minus 8 because that’s just weird.
“You’re embarrassing me. Now you’re going to listen because you pissed me off, and you’re being a bitch.” – Jionni earns a Minus 9 for being self-absorbed.
“You have to understand, I’m not going to pretend everything is cheese and daisies.” – JWoww. No idea what that means, but we expect nothing less. Plus 3.
Snooki is caught off guard when the girls stage an intervention. Girl, it won’t be the last in your life, we can place a substantial wager on that. Minus 6.
EPISODE TOTAL: +19. SEASON TOTAL: +107.