Last night on The Hills, the gang threw a surprise party for Brody, Speidi bickered over kids, and Kristin and Justin-Bobby's fake relationship took a familiar turn.
As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back the previous night's installment of MTV's hit "reality" show, awarding and deducting points as required ...
Stacie and Kristin go shopping for Brody Jenner's birthday. For sex toys, at the Hustler store. Kristin says Brody is too "vanilla" in the sack. Plus 5 for TMI.
In case you were concerned, the opening scene on the beach makes clear that Justin-Bobby has not become less of a douche since last week. Minus 3.
WTF happened to Stephanie Pratt's face? Bad plastic surgery alert! Minus 4.
Brody's surprise party clearly wasn't a surprise. The camera crew typically gives it away. No negative points, though, because people blow surprises in real life, too, and Plus 1 for Brody's first birthday request: "Frankie, give me a hug!"
Brody is now listed as "Kristin's ex" instead of "Lauren's friend." Plus 2.
Brody and Jayde Nicole, who he straight up calls a "b!tch," get into a major fight at the party for no discernable reason. Plus 3, though, because it's Jayde Nicole, and it's The Hills. The show is nothing without unexplained female implosions.
Audrina agrees to meet a guy named Derek who was Justin's friend, and who Justin always got jealous of because he thought Derek liked her. Hold on a second, Justin-Bobby has friends? Who apparently bathe? We don't buy it. Minus 2.
Speaking of guys who you wouldn't think have friends, Spencer Pratt confides in pal Charlie about Heidi wanting to procreate. Enter neighbor Enzo, and subsequent tube-tying comments by Spencer. All we have to say? Team Enzo! Plus 9.
Justin-Bobby pulls a no-show at Brody's party, ditching Kristin Cavallari. At least he's consistent. Maybe she and Audrina can bond over this. Okay, not really, but Plus 4.
Another Plus 2 for how happy this makes Audrina when she hears about it.
Spence: "Only a true man can wear a beaver-skin hat out to dinner." Minus 3. Seconds later: "Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?" Says the guy who was most overbearing, obsessive-compulsive boyfriend in history. Minus 4.
TOTAL: +10! SEASON TOTAL: +30! The Hills rarely disappoints. Especially when adorable little kids get Spencer all riled up, or that b!tch Kristin gets hers.