by Free Britney at

Pauly and Vinny. Snooki and Deena.

Oh, it was on like Donkey Kong on Jersey Shore last week. As we noted in our official episode recap, this was a prank war of epic proportions.

Some of the practical jokes were funny, others lame, and some downright filthy in the truest sense of the word. Fecal waste was involved.

Who emerged victorious? Guys? Girls? Did we lose just by watching? Check out Team Bromance battling Team Snarf/Sloppopatumus here and see:

Tags: , , , ,

by Free Britney at

In the aftermath of Sammi's exit from Jersey Shore last week, Ronnie was down in the dumps. The rest of the gang seemed focused more on absurd pranks.

Despite the title, "The Great Depression" was lighter fare than more recent episodes, with fewer epic meltdowns and more bathroom humor - quite literally.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

Old Underwear

THAT'S JUST WRONG: Pauly's discovery was dirty even by JS standards.

Right off the bat for using the show to pitch Britney Spears' new music video. Videos, on MTV? What a concept! Plus 5 in hopes that this pattern continues.

Despite being enraged every second she's around, Ronnie mopes now that Sammi's gone, whining non-stop in an all-out effort to grow a vagina. Minus 19.

Seriously, Jenni could take Ronnie. You can see the disgust on her face. Plus 4.

Sammi breaks down at home. Minus 10 for not making this a Sammi-free week, 'cause she'll be back wearing her one white skirt/black top outfit in no time.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

This week's Jersey Shore marked the departure of Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. A permanent exist, we think - and hope - after the fight to end all fights.

As much as we aren't sorry to see her go, we'll give her this much - she went out in style after a blowout with Ronnie Magro that exceeded even their standards.

This comprised most of the memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode, as we've broken down, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Sammi in Bed!

BOILING POINT: Ron wants Sam's stuff out of here ... with her on top of it.

Ronnie confronts The Situation for violating guy code. Funny how, like Sammi pointing the finger at JWoww and Snooki, they always blame others. Minus 2.

Able to see the big picture (take note, Ron), Sitch "takes the high road" and apologize to ensure it doesn't end in a brawl. Plus 6 for his surprising maturity.

He hits the boardwalk to cool off, unaware that Sammi is also heading there with Deena, who "loves single Sammi!" Who loves anything Sammi!? Minus 4.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

Snooki met a new juicehead, Pauly D made amends with his stalker, Ronnie bled out of a major orifice and broke up with Sam, again, on last night's Jersey Shore.

Perhaps most notable, though, was Snooki's marine biology expertise. Thanks to Nicole Polizzi, we now know why the ocean is salty. Nasty whale sperm, obvi.

This and many other memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night are broken down by THG, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Special Exam

SPECIAL EXAM: This is what it's like for viewers watching Sammi onscreen.

Things are good in the Jersey Shore house. It's just the calm before the storm, but there's actually no drama or active feud as the episode commences! Plus 8.

But, as Ronnie put it after a night of drinking ended with him puking like a madman as usual, it's always "one step forward and two step backs." Minus 5.

We've seen people on Jersey Shore getting probed a lot, but never like this. Plus 4.

Despite assurances that "I've dranken a lot more than I drank tonight," Ron's arse swells to the point that we're treated to the haunting visual above. Minus 11.

Snooki fell asleep with the dogs. A more apt scenario may never transpire. Plus 7.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

Who better than Pauly D and Vinny Guadagnino to determine the best of the best at a "Miss Jersey Shore" contest being held next week in the UK?

The stars of the MTV reality show are judging the competition at London's Mahiki nightclub. What does the winner get? We have no earthly idea.

However, they do get to hang out with Pauly and Vinny. Win-win. Pauly D told THG his ideal mate is gorgeous, funny and loyal. Ladies, take note.

Vinny and Pauly D

AWWW YEAH: Miss Jersey Shore UK yeah!!

The duo will be looking for a British girl who can match their "hot, tanned, sexy and fun-loving" co-stars, or even Sammi Giancola for that matter.

Girls wanting to take part in the contest can send their photos - one headshot and one full body shot - and a 50-word description of themselves.

Break out the bronzer, the booze and the grenade whistle!

Tags: , ,

by Free Britney at

Snooki is piling up a pretty long list of Jersey Shore regrets.

We've already seen her get so hammered she stumbled around asking "where's the f*%king beach" when the OCEAN was right behind her. That's bad.

The latest do-over she wishes she had is simpler and somewhat less embarrassing. Given a second chance, she wouldn't have let Vinny "get it in."

Vinny and Snooki Pic

Snooki and Vinny Guadagnino in Miami.

"I kind of wish me and Vinny didn't try and have sex, because it was just drama this whole season," she said Thursday on Sirius radio's Morning Mash Up.

The fallout lasted until the current season. "I don't know, it was just very awkward between us. I felt stupid because, you'll see, it's just embarrassing."

Vinny, she guessed, might also wish it had never happened.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , ,

by Free Britney at

The gang invented a new means of extracting grenades, Deena revealed her inner freak, Sammi and Ronnie came to blows (again), Snooki bought a stripper pole and so much more in an epic night of Jersey Shore debauchery.

Just when you think they can't outdo themselves once again ...

THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the MTV show, as always, in its trademark +/- recap below:

Grenade Whistle!

SOUND THE ALARM: Vinny rescues The Situation.

It's more like a Grenade Horn, but the Grenade Whistle is a fitting prop for a group of guys so dedicated to extracting the less-attractive females. Plus 8.

Of course, they could simply not bring said females back home, so ... Minus 7.

Vinny sounds the grenade whistle to rescue Sitch. What are friends for? Plus 4.

The Situation goes upstairs to borrow a condom from Ronnie and lets it slip to Sammi that Ronnie is talking to JWoww. What an instigator. Minus 6.

Snooki and Jenni bring home a couple of bitches. Pomeranians, looks like. Plus 5.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

Last night on Jersey Shore, Snooki got sprung from the can but soon reverted to her old ways, while Ronnie's doppelganger was discovered at the club and JWoww's relationship problems with Tom Lippolis reached a tipping point.

A relatively tame episode after Snooki's epic bender, but a good one.

As always, THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the MTV show in its trademark +/- recap below:

Lecture From Dad

WHAT A QUACK: Snooki's dad relays his disappointment.

He's disappointed, but Snooki's dad takes the whole thing pretty well. Guess when your daughter once sold alcohol at a party at your house, and a trashed guest crashed his car and died on the way home, you've seen worse. Minus 12.

When her father goes off on her with the tried and true "I'm not mad, just disappointed" bit, she says "It's not like I killed someone." This time. Plus 8.

His lecture was a real deterrent for at least 12 hours. Minus 4.

Wait, was JWoww wearing a "Free Snooki" tank top? Plus 7.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

A special Monday episode of Jersey Shore certainly did not disappoint if you watch the show looking for hilarious one-liners, drama and drunken debauchery.

Why else would you watch Jersey Shore, come to think of it?

This week was a rare treat for fans, as we got to see Snooki's drunken arrest from this summer play out on TV. It was as epic as reports made it out to be.

As always, THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the MTV show in its patented +/- recap below:

Absolute Worst Couple Ever

Oh. No. You. Didn't.

Sam's disdain for Snooki is surpassed by disdain for Ronnie. Man they suck. Minus 8. Watching these two argue may be worse than getting waterboarded.

Foreshadowing bigger, better things to come, Snooki chows down on a raw potato for no reason other than the amusement of housemates and fans. Plus 4.

Deena wants Situation. Snooki thinks she knows how she can make that happen ... by getting him into a threesome, then peacing out last minute. Minus 3.

Plus 16 for this gem from Mike, though: "Every guy dreams of having a threesome with two women, obviously. Maybe not with Deena and Snooki, but, um, I was going along with it only because it was a threesome."

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

by Free Britney at

Sammi Giancola has become that which she abhors.

Granted, as a miserable human being and very painful individual, Sammi Giancola abhors a great many things. But Angelina Pivarnick might top the list.

Having turned herself into the house pariah and destined to hitch a ride out of town before long, Sammi has morphed into Ange 2.0. It's sad and wonderful.

As always, THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the "reality" show in its patented +/- recap below:

Fists of Fury

Last week's epic smackdown resumes in the opening moments.

Plus 16 for the resumption of the fight that ended last week's season premiere. Girl pulled out some of JWoww's hair. Not a wise move if you want to live.

The boys go to the gym. Having no friends, Sam tries to go with. Minus 5.

Ronnie and Sammi seem to hate Jersey Shore more than the faction of fans on THG's Facebook who want to GET THIS TRASH OFF THE AIR!!!!!!!!!! Plus 7.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , , ,